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It's time for RiffTrax!

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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ

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RiffTrax!

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And it's not an easy job.

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They watch movies and they make up jokes about them.

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ

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Tell their jokes to microphones.

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Put the jokes into a file.

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On a secret server deep beneath a mountain.

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Protected by a dragon.

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Who ya gonna get to riff those tracks?

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I don't ever pick tracks where the riffs are missing.

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Why you always gotta pick RiffTrax?

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Only RiffTrax picks all the tracks worth riffing.

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On some other day.

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Somewhere far way.

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You put out wiener wraps and snacks.

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You fluff the cushions on your couch and buy a TV.

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All your friends come over.

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Just imagine their surprise, when you press play,

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and then instead of a just a movie.

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They hear jokes! Professional jokes!

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By professional comedy professionals!

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Who ya gonna get to riff those tracks?

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Only RiffTrax picks all the tracks worth riffing.

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Why you always gotta pick RiffTrax?

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Only RiffTrax picks all the tracks worth riffing.

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It's your lucky day!

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It's time for RiffTrax!

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RiffTrax!

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[Bill] FVI. Fruit vertically introduced Uh, alright.

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(guys laugh)

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[Kevin] I like yours. (Mike laughs)

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[Kevin] (hispanic accent) Hello! My name is Edward L Montoro.

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You watch my Grizzly movie. Prepare to die.

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(sound of helicopter)

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Now this area is pretty much the same

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as it was when the indians wandered around in it.

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[Mike] Is that what the indians were doing? Wandering around America?

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It's the sole function of the national park system to protect the wild life.

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[Bill] Called Grizzly. Because "Unattractive Guys in a Helicopter", is a tougher sell.

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I know that my opinion that don't mean too much.

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But I think if we get any further encroachment on these park areas.

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[Kevin] Oh! Real James Bond type opening to this movie.

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Give us a second to catch our breath!

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Somehow manage to protect these areas.

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[Mike] Huh. Do go on boring guy, with his sexual predator glasses.

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Landscape like this forever.

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♪♪♪

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[Bill] Oh. Hold on. That got the star of Day of the Animals for this?

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[Kevin] Hey. Girlder's the director and you do not turn down the opportunity to work with him.

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He's the Hitchcock of 70s animal attack movies set in this exact location.

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[Bill] Sure.

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♪♪♪

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[Mike] You know it's just one exclamation point

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away from being a musical, that I actually wouldn't mind seeing.

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♪♪♪

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[Bill] (singing) Here come the grizzlies!

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♪♪♪

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You know this font doesn't get much work anymore.

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Probably because it makes everything look like credits to the Odd Couple.

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♪♪♪

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[Kevin] These are all names of bears.

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[Mike] Amos Gillespie, the bear.

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[Kevin] Right.

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♪♪♪

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[Bill] Grizzly music. (Kevin laughs)

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[Bill] In a failed attempt to gain respect, guys named

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Todd came up with their own film format.

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♪♪♪

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[Kevin] Guys I'm starting to miss unattractive old guys in a helicopter.

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[Bill] Yeah. We didn't realize how good we had it.

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♪♪♪

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[Mike] Ah. William "Go ahead and call me Ass-man. Everyone does." Asman.

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[Bill] (singing) Grizzly dreams!

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(Kevin humming)

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♪♪♪

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[Kevin] (muffled voice) So.

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Like I was saying, our national park system

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is important to preserve the resources.

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Like those trees and that water you see.

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[Mike] Oh god. Kill me now.

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♪♪♪

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[Bill] Uh gentlemen. Now might be a good time to

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remind you of the helicopter's excellent 50% survival rate.

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On a related note, we ARE about to crash.

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So please make peace with your god.

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♪♪♪

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[Mike] If they do want to salvage these credits, they should have grizzly fly up in

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a Apache attack helicopter and blow these guys out of the sky.

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪

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[Kevin] Whoa! That's the camera work of the great Asman right there.

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[Mike] It's Az-man actually.

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[Kevin] What's that ass-man?

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[Mike] Never mind.

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪

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[Bill] Worst part about traveling by helicopter.

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Since there's no drink cart, there's really nowhere

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for angry drunken businessmen to take a dump.

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[Kevin] Yes. That's the worst part.

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[Bill] You know?

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪

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[Mike] Bub Asman?

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[Bill] Yep. That's the correct pronunciation. I'm Bub Asman baby!

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♪♪♪

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[Kevin] Ah. Looks like the kind of place

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Nick Nolte would come to sell his stolen road signs.

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[Mike] (Nick Nolte voice) Listen up pathfinder. Road signs are like hotel soap.

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They put them out there in the open because they want you to take them!

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♪♪♪

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[Bill] The national parks really pull them in with their free GORP days.

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♪♪♪

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[Kevin] Alright Montoro. You had your credit already. You are no Asman.

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[Bill] Asman! Yeah!

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[Mike] Flax man?

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[Kevin] Yeah it's me. I bring you terrible muffins.

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[Bill] Ah heh! Go to hell Flaxman!

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[Mike] Oh!

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[Bill] Girdler! [Mike] Hey Asman!

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[Bill] High five! [Mike] Whoo!

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[Kevin] (laughs) Okay.

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Never thought you'd make it.

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I wouldn't miss a Kelly briefing for the world.

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Mm hmm.

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[Kevin] Oh. And he made it creepy already.

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This is the largest post season crowd we've ever had.

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There's no way with this skeleton crew that we're gonna be able to handle it.

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What Kelly's concerned about is we got more backpackers

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pitching tents than raccoons in the woods.

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[Bill] Do not make jokes on my behalf.

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Especially not whatever the HELL that was.

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With all those backpackers.

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Well, we're just gonna do the best we can.

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Okay. Everybody knows where they're supposed to go, so let's get with it.

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[Mike] Tall hat guys? Keep having tall hats.

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Kelly?

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My apologies.

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Accepted.

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I'm going up to R4.

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You know maybe the two of us should go.

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[Kevin] After all my voice is the most clearly dubbed.

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Hey come on. I can use the help.

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Well you see, Hayes called in sick.

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So I'm gonna need Gail down here to kind of hold down the fort.

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[Bill] Hold down the fort! Isn't he just the best!

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We tried.

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Look I'll talk to you later for dinner.

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Okay.

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[Mike] Hey. There's our star. And there he goes.

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No more grizzly for us. (Kevin laughs)

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Okay girls, keep it moving.

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You know the season's closed.

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But that's no reason to let up, huh?

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So if you get any complaints about cold food I want to hear about them right away.

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[Kevin] I've gotta go play a one on one tournament at Bushwood Country Club.

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Dad? What are those?

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Unpaid bills I believe.

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[Bill] I believe because they say "unpaid bills" in 72 point font.

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You know you haven't been charging nearly enough.

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Look what you've been paying.

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I know what I've been paying.

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And?

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Well, good wine at reasonable prices brings the customers back.

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And they've been coming back.

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[Mike] Poorly managed family restaurants. Grizzly!

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Allison, for the last two weeks you've been trying to help me run my business.

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That's not true.

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Dad, every man.

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[Kevin] Good lord. You're coat is 50% dandruff. Please get it dry cleaned!

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(Bill laughs)

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Shoot pictures of the changing season.

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Well I did. I am. That's what I've been doing.

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Yeah well keeping check on how your old man

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is doing is not gonna help meet your deadline.

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[Bill] Wow! These two come out and just start shoveling the exposition at us.

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Photographs?

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I got my publisher's note. He'll wait.

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Allison?

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Why don't you write a "how-to" book?

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[Mike] That's how I enter every room. People love it.

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I was supposed to meet you.

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Kelly, I'm sorry.

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Then let's go.

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See you Walt.

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[Kevin] Up to my eyebrows. I mean so long.

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(birds chirping)

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[Bill] Write a how-to book? Where do you come up with this stuff?

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Well I should be angry.

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I mean I said I'd take you around.

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But you know, I just might have been needed.

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I'm an important person around here.

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Guilty as charged.

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[Mike] Theirs is a relationship based on terrible flirting.

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Spoiled.

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And your father did it.

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How long have you known me?

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Well a few weeks.

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[Kevin] Is she testing him? Or maybe trying to sneak in a little more exposition?

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[Bill] Needs a little more.

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First of all I don't feel spoiled. I feel needed.

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I mean dad's taking on a lot more than he can handle.

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So I feel just a bit torn between career and father.

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[Bill] Well, so was Soon Yi Previn.

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And look how that turned out.

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It's yours you should be worried about.

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Somehow I always manage to get it together.

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♪♪♪

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[Mike] Cut to the grizzly's thriving Macaroni Grill franchise.

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[Kevin] Just drainin' the old coot's

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customer base with his reasonably priced wines.

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♪♪♪

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[Bill] Directing tip.

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Always prove that your characters have legs before introducing them.

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♪♪♪

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(women laugh)

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[Mike] It's kind of charming to learn that Hee Haw extras got along off screen as well.

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪

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At last. At a point we're here finally.

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[Kevin] Yes. It's fun to be "here".

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Must have walked ten miles today.

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♪♪♪

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Hmm. We've got to do something with this.

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I want to sit down and get out of these boots.

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[Bill] Yes please. Grizzlies have a tough time swallowing hiking boots.

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What's that?

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There's something out there.

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♪♪♪

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Ah ha.

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[Mike] Oo. Glad those three seconds of wan tension are over.

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Sorry. I didn't mean to.

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What can we do for you?

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Stay out of trouble.

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What kind of trouble?

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Well just don't take any unnecessary risks.

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[Kevin] For instance. Don't talk to horny rangers.

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How long you girls gonna be up here?

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Oh we're leaving shortly. Right after we eat.

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(horse neighs)

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Don't forget to check in at the ranger's station before you leave.

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Don't worry.

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We'll be down before it gets dark. Okay.

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[Bill] And the underwear on your clothes line looks dry.

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[Mike] (high voice) Why were you looking at it?

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[Bill] Don't forget to check in. Good bye.

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪

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[Kevin] Huh. It's rare that you see them doing location scouting during the movie.

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(growling heard)

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♪♪♪

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[Mike] Boy, in the 70s, Marlon Brando made some really odd career choices.

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(heavy breathing)

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♪♪♪

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[Bill] Oh please, cut to the reverse shot.

258
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:30,290
Where the bear is holding a knife, wearing a hockey mask.

259
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:35,910
(growling)

260
00:11:35,910 --> 00:11:38,060
[Kevin] (deep voice) Quick Arty Johnson impression.

261
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:40,070
Okay now let's get to the killing.

262
00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:42,710
(growling)

263
00:11:42,710 --> 00:11:47,250
♪♪♪

264
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:51,030
[Mike] Guess they've got a real roaring fire going is what Kevin told me to say.

265
00:11:51,030 --> 00:11:52,450
[Bill] Dammit Kevin!

266
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:53,900
[Mike] Yeah come on!

267
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,880
[Kevin] What the hell?

268
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,520
Okay but I have to go first.

269
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,830
Whenever comes to cleaning up you almost have to go.

270
00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:01,460
(laughs) I'll be right back.

271
00:12:01,460 --> 00:12:05,750
[Kevin] Uh oh. We've got a Birdemic situation. She's gonna BECKY it up out there.

272
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:07,550
[Bill] (laughs) Oh dear.

273
00:12:07,550 --> 00:12:09,720
♪♪♪

274
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,710
(growling)

275
00:12:11,710 --> 00:12:15,040
[Bill] Hey! Only I'm allowed to do that in the woods!

276
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:19,250
(growling)

277
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:22,430
[Mike] I'm just grateful it's this bear's point of view

278
00:12:22,430 --> 00:12:25,870
and not say, Andrew Sullivan's. (Bill laughs)

279
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:30,390
♪♪♪

280
00:12:30,390 --> 00:12:34,870
[Kevin] Sadly this POV is now that girl, you know, going!

281
00:12:34,870 --> 00:12:37,980
[Bill] Yeah. Becky'ing!

282
00:12:37,980 --> 00:12:42,120
♪♪♪ (growling)

283
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:46,510
[Bill] Kill, kill, kill. Wait there's some sort of leaf blight on those birches.

284
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:48,710
Kill, kill. kill.

285
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:50,780
♪♪♪

286
00:12:50,780 --> 00:12:54,860
♪♪♪

287
00:12:54,860 --> 00:13:00,020
[Mike] Um pardon me but I have some extra salmon at my camp. You wouldn't want to?

288
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:04,260
No of course you wouldn't. Stupid Stupid! Stupid!

289
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,940
Julie!

290
00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:08,740
(screams)

291
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:10,870
[Kevin] That sounded like her arm hitting the ground.

292
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:13,600
(growling) (screaming)

293
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,870
(indistinct)

294
00:13:16,870 --> 00:13:19,950
[Bill] Hey don't forget to hang your food in the trees so the bears don't?

295
00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:22,110
Right, never mind.

296
00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:24,380
♪♪♪

297
00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:28,870
♪♪♪

298
00:13:28,870 --> 00:13:31,160
[Mike] (laughs) She's getting dangerous close to Curly there.

299
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,110
[Kevin] A bear ate Maggie! Woop woo woo woo!

300
00:13:34,110 --> 00:13:38,030
♪♪♪

301
00:13:38,030 --> 00:13:42,120
[Bill] Name on the mailbox? Grizzle E Bear. Seems safe.

302
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,390
(sighs)

303
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,970
Oh.

304
00:13:47,970 --> 00:13:50,160
[Mike] Wow. My friend's death was kind of sexy.

305
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,350
♪♪♪

306
00:13:53,350 --> 00:13:57,360
[Kevin] Yeah. The bear used to do tear downs for the property brothers.

307
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,660
(screaming)

308
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:04,720
(Bill laughs)

309
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:11,320
[Bill] Yeah. Thanks for replaying my undignified death scream jerks!

310
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:17,270
[Mike] How long have I known you now?

311
00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:20,210
[Kevin] A few weeks and thirty eight minutes.

312
00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:22,670
Never stop shooting do you?

313
00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:24,710
Well, most of what I shoot I don't use.

314
00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:27,090
Wrong angle. Wrong light. Wrong faces.

315
00:14:27,090 --> 00:14:28,860
Naw the faces are never wrong.

316
00:14:28,860 --> 00:14:31,020
Remember every face tells a story.

317
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,340
Oh yeah?

318
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:34,870
What story does this face tell you?

319
00:14:34,870 --> 00:14:36,650
[Bill] Oh that's a face? I thought he was wearing an easter island novelty mask?

320
00:14:36,650 --> 00:14:38,890
(Kevin laughs)

321
00:14:38,890 --> 00:14:40,490
You're indecipherable.

322
00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:42,830
You hide everything behind that tight jaw.

323
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:45,670
One day it's gonna break.

324
00:14:45,670 --> 00:14:48,780
[Mike] Soon. When I hit it with this tire iron I just smuggled in here.

325
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:51,770
[Kevin] What's that? [Mike] Oh nothing.

326
00:14:51,770 --> 00:14:53,990
(laughs) See? It's cracking already!

327
00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,560
How you doing Tom?

328
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:00,770
Hey.

329
00:15:00,770 --> 00:15:03,360
[Bill] Ahh, Tom. And his catchphrase "Hey".

330
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,670
Gotta couple of missing girls.

331
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,730
Oh?

332
00:15:06,730 --> 00:15:08,680
Come on.

333
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,520
They said they'd be down before dusk.

334
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:11,950
They haven't made it yet.

335
00:15:11,950 --> 00:15:13,600
Ahh they're not gonna make it.

336
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,460
Sun'll be down in a little bit.

337
00:15:15,460 --> 00:15:16,600
Hey you want to go up with him?

338
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:17,910
Mm hmm.

339
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:19,380
We'll follow you. Go ahead. Okay.

340
00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:22,100
[Kevin] Forgot Tom's punchier catchphrase "Okay".

341
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,520
[Mike] Tom!

342
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:24,900
[Bill] He's no Assman!

343
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:27,100
[Kevin] Alright Asman I think we're good. We got Tom now.

344
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,270
[Bill] No no. But ASS man!

345
00:15:29,270 --> 00:15:31,760
[Mike] Yes I know. Asman. I know.

346
00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:41,780
[Kevin] Grizzly's hiding under the water breathing through a straw like Rambo.

347
00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:54,150
[Bill] So, anyway. No I'm not Chuck Connors. But I get that a lot. Thanks.

348
00:15:54,150 --> 00:15:55,450
They were back there.

349
00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:57,530
Past the shack maybe a hundred, hundred and fifty yards.

350
00:15:57,530 --> 00:15:59,440
Let's walk on in.

351
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:00,920
[Mike] See? That's why he's the boss.

352
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,090
Coming up with plans like "walking on in" to check

353
00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:05,030
on the women they drove up there to, check on.

354
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:10,250
(birds chirping)

355
00:16:10,250 --> 00:16:12,400
[Kevin] Meanwhile that women's dad just

356
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:17,340
sold a bottle of 1959 Lafite Rothschild for $11.

357
00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:18,410
Hey hold it Tom.

358
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,750
I want to check out this shack.

359
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:24,300
[Bill] Wait. I'd recognize that tin roof rusted anywhere!

360
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:27,010
[Mike] If it's what I think it is, they'll be glitter on the mattress.

361
00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:32,370
[Bill] Hmmm.

362
00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:34,310
[Kevin] It's a living!

363
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:39,910
(birds chirping)

364
00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:45,580
[Bill] He walks in on the bear, whacking it to an episode of Gentle Ben.

365
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:47,590
[Mike] Hey knock next time man.

366
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,350
♪♪♪

367
00:16:49,350 --> 00:16:53,880
♪♪♪

368
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,770
Find anything?

369
00:16:55,770 --> 00:16:58,540
[Kevin] Alright guys! Let's find my keys!

370
00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:01,960
(indistinct)

371
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,220
Tom?

372
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:04,620
Yeah?

373
00:17:04,620 --> 00:17:06,170
How far down are you?

374
00:17:06,170 --> 00:17:09,370
[Bill] Not suicidal. Though I am drinking quite a bit these days.

375
00:17:09,370 --> 00:17:10,810
There's just nothing here.

376
00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:12,770
I can't tell whether a bear came through or not.

377
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:15,780
Well keep looking.

378
00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:18,550
[Mike] So you called me to tell me to keep on doing

379
00:17:18,550 --> 00:17:20,340
what I would have been doing had you not called me?

380
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:26,480
Ah sir?

381
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,510
[Kevin] (soft voice) Alright, now you two kiss.

382
00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:30,940
[Bill] Sure thing ma'am.

383
00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:32,880
You find anything?

384
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,670
No sir. Not a thing.

385
00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:38,760
Remember we're probably not looking for a full body.

386
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,400
[Mike] Was none of this covered in the pre-bear attack victims search meeting?

387
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:43,640
What the hell is going on?

388
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,100
A bear.

389
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,470
He attacked and killed a girl.

390
00:17:46,470 --> 00:17:47,750
Geez! That's all we need.

391
00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:49,030
A killer bear on the loose.

392
00:17:49,030 --> 00:17:50,130
Well there were two of them.

393
00:17:50,130 --> 00:17:51,720
[Kevin] Two bears? That's all we need.

394
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,540
[Bill] Not two bears you idiot

395
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,350
[Kevin] Oh the bear made it LOOK like two bears did it.

396
00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:57,260
[Bill] Would you?!

397
00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:59,160
Well what do you want us to do?

398
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,790
Look, I've got a bunch of guys up in the western slope.

399
00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:03,060
So you guys go on up north.

400
00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:05,140
He just might go back up country.

401
00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:10,150
[Mike] Might also get a job as a caterer too. We have to cover every possibility.

402
00:18:10,150 --> 00:18:12,140
Allison? Where are you going?

403
00:18:12,140 --> 00:18:14,010
Back here to get another angle on the camp.

404
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,830
Okay but don't go too far.

405
00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:17,630
[Bill] Also I'm not a photographer.

406
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,310
But maybe use a damn flash?

407
00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:20,670
It's pitch dark.

408
00:18:20,670 --> 00:18:22,440
Well look. Get 'em back out there.

409
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,530
Nobody sleeps until we get that son of a bitch.

410
00:18:24,530 --> 00:18:25,920
Hey come on Kelly, you can't.

411
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,700
Tom! We've got a killer on our hands! Now no excuses.

412
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:32,960
[Kevin] Tom! Your catchphrases are "Hey" and "Okay". Stick to the damn script!

413
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:36,110
♪♪♪

414
00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:41,300
♪♪♪ (heavy breathing)

415
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:43,290
(screaming)

416
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:47,030
[Mike] (shouting) This is worse than my dad undercharging for wine!

417
00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:51,000
♪♪♪

418
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:55,950
[Bill] Oh just say it. You know you want to. "This was no boating accident."

419
00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:04,190
It was a big one alright.

420
00:19:04,190 --> 00:19:08,470
[Kevin] Is what my wife said. I'm kidding. I have a micro penis.

421
00:19:08,470 --> 00:19:10,790
Got too close.

422
00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:12,460
And the mother attacked.

423
00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:15,980
[Kevin] Which is my experience with my wife's mother. I'm kidding.

424
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,250
She's a lovely woman.

425
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:21,060
She ate, saved the rest of the meal for later.

426
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,210
Why would she come down?

427
00:19:23,210 --> 00:19:25,040
She came down for food.

428
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,480
[Mike] She heard about Ihop's free pancake day.

429
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,190
There's more than enough food and fish up there.

430
00:19:30,190 --> 00:19:31,780
There may not be enough fish.

431
00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:34,410
You've got a sick humor, doc.

432
00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:36,660
It's not sick. She was hungry enough to eat two women.

433
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:38,840
Bears don't eat people.

434
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,220
This one did.

435
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,240
[Bill] Used a femur for a toothpick too.

436
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,230
Do me a favor? Just put it in writing for me.

437
00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:49,310
Who's uh, gonna contact the family?

438
00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:51,720
[Mike] We could send an edible arrangement? Oh wait, no.

439
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:53,930
[Bill] Aww.

440
00:19:53,930 --> 00:19:57,050
Why the hell wasn't I notified?

441
00:19:57,050 --> 00:20:01,230
Oh well obviously you got the message.

442
00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:04,360
I had to hear it on the goddamn radio.

443
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:07,170
[Kevin] Right after a god (bleep) up tempo number.

444
00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:09,630
If you'll excuse me gentlemen.

445
00:20:09,630 --> 00:20:12,670
That's okay. I was just leaving.

446
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:16,360
I want to see that report note.

447
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:19,620
[Bill] Just a crude drawing of him kissing a lady!

448
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:23,470
Kelly?

449
00:20:23,470 --> 00:20:26,080
Okay let's hear it.

450
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,590
What the hell happened out there?

451
00:20:28,590 --> 00:20:30,750
One of the bears got lonesome.

452
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:32,620
Came down for a little action.

453
00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:35,510
[Mike] Things got ugly, when he discovered the victims were catfishing him.

454
00:20:35,510 --> 00:20:38,350
That's not funny.

455
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:40,450
Not supposed to be.

456
00:20:40,450 --> 00:20:41,930
Well what are you doing about it?

457
00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:43,790
[Kevin] I'm gonna put out poison bait girls.

458
00:20:43,790 --> 00:20:46,150
Well I've got men out in the field.

459
00:20:46,150 --> 00:20:49,160
I've put R3 and R4 off limits to the campers.

460
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,240
And I think we can continue in that area.

461
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,800
Okay.

462
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,660
[Bill] You know you're mother and I are very proud of you.

463
00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:57,100
Keep me informed all the way.

464
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:59,140
When this thing's over with, I want a full investigation.

465
00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:03,020
Investigation?

466
00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:05,880
What kind of investigation?

467
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,140
[Mike] Well no promises. But Dateline's interested.

468
00:21:08,140 --> 00:21:09,900
Public. I mean it's MY head!

469
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:12,910
Those bears are supposed to be in the high country.

470
00:21:12,910 --> 00:21:14,440
That's where we put them.

471
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,920
Two possibilities.

472
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,650
One of them came back.

473
00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:19,850
[Kevin] Or we have a shape shifter on our hands.

474
00:21:19,850 --> 00:21:21,550
Your job.

475
00:21:21,550 --> 00:21:22,760
No way.

476
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,530
We tagged every one of those bears.

477
00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:27,810
Arthur Scott knows every bear that's in this forest.

478
00:21:27,810 --> 00:21:29,630
No way he could have missed one.

479
00:21:29,630 --> 00:21:31,070
Okay.

480
00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:32,930
Then Scott's the man I want to talk to.

481
00:21:32,930 --> 00:21:34,860
You get him on the wire and get his ass out here.

482
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:36,410
Kelly!

483
00:21:36,410 --> 00:21:39,740
[Bill] I want a shapely bear ass in my office by sundown mister!

484
00:21:39,740 --> 00:21:42,740
I hope I'm not talking to myself.

485
00:21:42,740 --> 00:21:47,670
I read you. Loud and Clear.

486
00:21:47,670 --> 00:21:51,350
[Mike] No. That's the closet. I'd hate to see you ruin such a good exit line.

487
00:21:51,350 --> 00:21:53,850
♪♪♪

488
00:21:53,850 --> 00:21:56,620
(on radio) We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin.

489
00:21:56,620 --> 00:21:58,960
[Kevin] Plaid shirts and jeans are out this season.

490
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,130
Get to a mall ASAP!

491
00:22:01,130 --> 00:22:02,860
Authorities believe to be a large bear.

492
00:22:02,860 --> 00:22:04,330
♪♪♪

493
00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:06,230
Michael Kelly, ranger in charge of operations, orders all.

494
00:22:06,230 --> 00:22:07,990
[Bill] (mumbles)

495
00:22:07,990 --> 00:22:10,030
Evacuate the area immediately.

496
00:22:10,030 --> 00:22:11,320
Campers.

497
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,930
[Bill] Stay away from large rocks and shrubs, as they may be bears in disguise.

498
00:22:14,930 --> 00:22:17,360
Rangers are certain that the bear has been apprehended.

499
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,500
And the area is declared safe. ♪♪♪

500
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:21,210
If anyone should see this animal.

501
00:22:21,210 --> 00:22:24,880
[Mike] Yay! We get to go home and play video games! Thanks murder bear!

502
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,770
Stay tuned to 1016 news.

503
00:22:27,770 --> 00:22:30,900
[Bill] Enter Zimmer.

504
00:22:30,900 --> 00:22:33,390
Well if he's not in the office, where is he?

505
00:22:33,390 --> 00:22:36,390
[Kevin] (laughs) No he's not up my butt!

506
00:22:36,390 --> 00:22:41,560
You mean you won't connect me?

507
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,900
Or you can't connect me?

508
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:45,920
Will you listen to me, you little!

509
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,120
[Bill] Beleaguered public servant?

510
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,010
I've got two girls, ages 19-20.

511
00:22:50,010 --> 00:22:51,330
Both eaten to the bone.

512
00:22:51,330 --> 00:22:53,390
So don't. [Bill] Big range there.

513
00:22:53,390 --> 00:22:54,860
Bullshit about regulations.

514
00:22:54,860 --> 00:22:57,360
Now you just get Scotty on that field phone.

515
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,020
Or you're gonna be on the unemployment line tomorrow morning. You get that?

516
00:22:59,020 --> 00:23:00,520
[Mike] Can almost hear the eye rolling

517
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,150
and jerk-off motions from the other end. (Bill laughs)

518
00:23:03,150 --> 00:23:05,040
Yeah I'm still here.

519
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,490
Sit down.

520
00:23:08,490 --> 00:23:12,820
[Kevin] Run! They can't put us in this if we don't sign the release form!

521
00:23:12,820 --> 00:23:16,020
No! No!

522
00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:18,030
(guys laugh)

523
00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:22,420
(beeping noise)

524
00:23:22,420 --> 00:23:25,240
[Bill] Ah. Probably should have put it on vibrate.

525
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,070
What the hell's the matter with you down there?

526
00:23:28,070 --> 00:23:29,750
I gave strict orders?

527
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,320
Who is this?

528
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,350
It's Kelly, Scotty. Kelly.

529
00:23:33,350 --> 00:23:35,010
Kelly do you know what you just did?

530
00:23:35,010 --> 00:23:37,890
[Mike] I was about to pop the question to the doe of my dreams.

531
00:23:37,890 --> 00:23:40,560
Living with them, and you scared them off!

532
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,390
What happened?

533
00:23:42,390 --> 00:23:45,280
It's a bear that killed two girls.

534
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:48,200
Funny thing happened is that he buried one of them.

535
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,950
[Kevin] And sent the press a series of taunting cryptic letters.

536
00:23:50,950 --> 00:23:53,060
They cover their kill with a shallow grave.

537
00:23:53,060 --> 00:23:55,360
They go away and come back later and finish eating.

538
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:58,100
Look, Kitridge is holding you and me responsible.

539
00:23:58,100 --> 00:24:01,430
So just pack it up and get your carcass in here as fast as you can.

540
00:24:01,430 --> 00:24:02,670
Alright.

541
00:24:02,670 --> 00:24:04,620
[Bill] Specifically your ass.

542
00:24:04,620 --> 00:24:07,470
Who's Scott?

543
00:24:07,470 --> 00:24:13,320
He's a naturalist attached to this department.

544
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,070
[Mike] Not many men are secure enough to hang

545
00:24:15,070 --> 00:24:17,910
their colonoscopy on the wall. (Bill laughs)

546
00:24:17,910 --> 00:24:20,390
In this forest personally.

547
00:24:20,390 --> 00:24:23,940
You guys really love what you're doing, don't you?

548
00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:25,860
Yeah.

549
00:24:25,860 --> 00:24:29,600
[Kevin] Yeah the pay's not great. But our acres of pot really make up for it.

550
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,970
Sure has changed my values around.

551
00:24:32,970 --> 00:24:35,930
Changed your values? From what Kelly?

552
00:24:35,930 --> 00:24:39,320
[Bill] I used to hate nature. Setting fires, punching squirrels.

553
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,270
I had a perfect plan to fame and fortune.

554
00:24:42,270 --> 00:24:44,420
So what happened?

555
00:24:44,420 --> 00:24:45,720
I found a short cut.

556
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,480
I married this beautiful lady.

557
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,190
[Mike] Who turned out to be a shapely conifer.

558
00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:52,550
Filthy rich.

559
00:24:52,550 --> 00:24:54,490
Trouble was we're both mercenaries.

560
00:24:54,490 --> 00:24:57,740
After a while I just wanted out.

561
00:24:57,740 --> 00:24:59,080
I couldn't hack it any more.

562
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,520
You left?

563
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,570
[Kevin] Go on! Spill the tea girlfriend!

564
00:25:02,570 --> 00:25:04,400
Well it was a little more subtle than that.

565
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,270
I made believe I was having an affair.

566
00:25:07,270 --> 00:25:10,790
That turned her on. so I sold my holdings,

567
00:25:10,790 --> 00:25:13,290
gave it to Salvation Army and became a ranger.

568
00:25:13,290 --> 00:25:15,780
[Bill] And finally I put a snake in her glove compartment.

569
00:25:15,780 --> 00:25:17,820
You're lying aren't you?

570
00:25:17,820 --> 00:25:19,250
What do you think?

571
00:25:19,250 --> 00:25:21,490
I really don't care.

572
00:25:21,490 --> 00:25:25,000
[Mike] (laughs) Oh she's officially my favorite character now.

573
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,110
[Bill] Like ever!

574
00:25:27,110 --> 00:25:29,180
♪♪♪

575
00:25:29,180 --> 00:25:30,810
♪♪♪

576
00:25:30,810 --> 00:25:34,390
♪♪♪

577
00:25:34,390 --> 00:25:37,780
[Kevin] Hey uh! Anyone want to come over and check for ticks later?

578
00:25:37,780 --> 00:25:40,650
♪♪♪

579
00:25:40,650 --> 00:25:46,520
♪♪♪

580
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,320
[Bill] This wasn't here yesterday!

581
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,870
I don't think he's gonna come down this far.

582
00:25:50,870 --> 00:25:53,540
These woods are so damn thick you can't see anything anyway.

583
00:25:53,540 --> 00:25:55,610
Yeah he could be hiding anywhere huh?

584
00:25:55,610 --> 00:25:57,420
Well one thing's for sure.

585
00:25:57,420 --> 00:25:59,050
He's not around here.

586
00:25:59,050 --> 00:26:01,300
[Mike] It's her! She was the bear all along!

587
00:26:01,300 --> 00:26:02,470
Take a break.

588
00:26:02,470 --> 00:26:05,280
I'll go up to Potter Ridge and check it out and be back in about 15 minutes.

589
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,170
Good. I'm gonna soak my feet in the stream.

590
00:26:07,170 --> 00:26:09,050
Okay.

591
00:26:09,050 --> 00:26:10,240
♪♪♪

592
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,690
[Kevin] What?! Oh geez! Watch your horror movies sometime! ♪♪♪

593
00:26:12,690 --> 00:26:15,490
♪♪♪

594
00:26:15,490 --> 00:26:20,650
♪♪♪

595
00:26:20,650 --> 00:26:22,970
[Bill] Hey. This is the guy who keeps calling my house.

596
00:26:22,970 --> 00:26:27,360
♪♪♪

597
00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,670
(growling)

598
00:26:29,670 --> 00:26:31,780
♪♪♪

599
00:26:31,780 --> 00:26:38,920
[Mike] Maybe this lady will help me get my asthma inhaler refilled.

600
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,600
[Bill] She's chasing waterfalls.

601
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,590
[Kevin] (laughs) Don't!

602
00:26:42,590 --> 00:26:45,250
♪♪♪

603
00:26:45,250 --> 00:26:49,470
[Kevin] Huh! Bear gonna see some bare! Heh heh! Heh heh.

604
00:26:49,470 --> 00:26:51,760
♪♪♪

605
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:55,290
♪♪♪

606
00:26:55,290 --> 00:26:58,480
[Bill] Did you know that most rivers are 30% moose pee?

607
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,370
♪♪♪

608
00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:06,220
♪♪♪

609
00:27:06,220 --> 00:27:08,050
[Mike] Huh.

610
00:27:08,050 --> 00:27:11,590
Yet when I'm at work, when I strip and start showering you guys always complain.

611
00:27:11,590 --> 00:27:13,430
[Kevin] Yep we do.

612
00:27:13,430 --> 00:27:15,560
[Bill] Most conservative.

613
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,570
♪♪♪

614
00:27:17,570 --> 00:27:19,770
♪♪♪

615
00:27:19,770 --> 00:27:21,640
[Bill] This was in Conde Nast list of the top ten

616
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,750
most romantic places to get turned into hamburger.

617
00:27:24,750 --> 00:27:28,580
♪♪♪

618
00:27:28,580 --> 00:27:31,200
(growling)

619
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,340
[Kevin] For heaven's sake! Cover yourself you hussy!

620
00:27:34,340 --> 00:27:37,060
(screaming)

621
00:27:37,060 --> 00:27:40,380
(growling)

622
00:27:40,380 --> 00:27:42,370
♪♪♪

623
00:27:42,370 --> 00:27:51,530
[Bill] Aww. What a waste of warm, delicious savory blood. Sorry.

624
00:27:51,530 --> 00:27:56,980
[Mike] Come on down to Cracker Barrel, and drown those sorrows in gravy.

625
00:27:56,980 --> 00:28:00,050
(Bill laughs)

626
00:28:00,050 --> 00:28:04,130
♪♪♪

627
00:28:04,130 --> 00:28:07,910
[Kevin] So weird to think you could smoke PCP in restaurants back then.

628
00:28:07,910 --> 00:28:10,120
Have another drink?

629
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:14,340
♪♪♪

630
00:28:14,340 --> 00:28:16,870
Almost don't remember them.

631
00:28:16,870 --> 00:28:18,850
[Bill] Helps if you picture them naked.

632
00:28:18,850 --> 00:28:20,290
Take about twenty five minutes.

633
00:28:20,290 --> 00:28:22,140
[Bill] No wait. That's something else.

634
00:28:22,140 --> 00:28:25,120
Poor Tim.

635
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:28,080
He liked her didn't he?

636
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:31,490
[Mike] He said "hey" and "okay" to her more than anyone.

637
00:28:31,490 --> 00:28:34,200
♪♪♪

638
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,470
There's something I'm not doing!

639
00:28:36,470 --> 00:28:38,850
Sure. You're not killing a bear.

640
00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:41,720
[Kevin] No, that's not it. (Bill laughs)

641
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,750
I don't think I'm cut out for this.

642
00:28:43,750 --> 00:28:45,720
♪♪♪

643
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:47,660
You know what I enjoy?

644
00:28:47,660 --> 00:28:49,820
Giving lectures around the camp fire.

645
00:28:49,820 --> 00:28:51,720
[Bill] Scary lectures about ghosts?

646
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,080
Taking long rides in the woods.

647
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,430
And just watching the animals.

648
00:28:56,430 --> 00:28:59,100
[Mike] Dressing up as a bear and killing women. I mean!

649
00:28:59,100 --> 00:29:00,920
♪♪♪

650
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,820
For a man who thought of himself as a mercenary, you're doing pretty fine.

651
00:29:04,820 --> 00:29:07,070
Oh yeah. There's a killer bear out there.

652
00:29:07,070 --> 00:29:09,600
And I'm sitting right here crushing ice cubes in my mouth.

653
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:12,360
Where the hell is that damn Scott?

654
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:13,700
Should be here.

655
00:29:13,700 --> 00:29:15,340
I mean there's nothing else you can do but wait.

656
00:29:15,340 --> 00:29:17,490
[Kevin] Perhaps you'd like a free Magnum Don Perignon,

657
00:29:17,490 --> 00:29:20,200
compliments of my father. (Mike laughs)

658
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,230
[Bill] Yeah. What's going on with that?

659
00:29:23,230 --> 00:29:27,480
How about another ice cube?

660
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,730
[Bill] Like in the 9 1/2 Weeks way, or?

661
00:29:30,730 --> 00:29:35,930
(helicopter buzzing)

662
00:29:35,930 --> 00:29:37,530
[Mike] Ah home base. This is Little Bird.

663
00:29:37,530 --> 00:29:40,170
We've got our shipment of ice cubes coming in for the ranger to crunch.

664
00:29:40,170 --> 00:29:43,040
As he ignores his duty. Over and out.

665
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:47,520
(helicopter buzzing)

666
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,220
Want to thank you for helping us out.

667
00:29:50,220 --> 00:29:52,910
Sure gonna make finding that bear a lot easier.

668
00:29:52,910 --> 00:29:55,530
[Kevin] Well first let's buzz by the skinny dipping hole!

669
00:29:55,530 --> 00:30:00,150
Naw. The reason we can't find him, is he keeps moving.

670
00:30:00,150 --> 00:30:04,520
[Bill] Nobody's ever seen a bear that MOVES before. Scientists are baffled.

671
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:09,720
Well. Suppose near a clearing we might just pick him up.

672
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:13,420
[Mike] (southern accent) For a glass of country lemonade and sweet pecan pie.

673
00:30:13,420 --> 00:30:15,470
No. Negative.

674
00:30:15,470 --> 00:30:17,090
[Bill] What's he doing in California?

675
00:30:17,090 --> 00:30:19,650
Might push it into the trees.

676
00:30:19,650 --> 00:30:24,210
Feel like I've been wearing these things permanently.

677
00:30:24,210 --> 00:30:27,500
[Kevin] Yep. That's how I feel about these transition lenses.

678
00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:29,610
Have you locked into any of this pattern?

679
00:30:29,610 --> 00:30:31,370
You know bears got patterns.

680
00:30:31,370 --> 00:30:33,130
Patterns. Yeah patterns.

681
00:30:33,130 --> 00:30:35,220
He likes women and keeps moving.

682
00:30:35,220 --> 00:30:38,250
[Bill] Like Larry King except for the moving part.

683
00:30:38,250 --> 00:30:40,650
Yeah yeah.

684
00:30:40,650 --> 00:30:42,210
That theory you've been riding?

685
00:30:42,210 --> 00:30:44,480
[Mike] Hey leave my brony life out of this.

686
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,860
I didn't know it was that way now.

687
00:30:46,860 --> 00:30:49,100
No offense my man.

688
00:30:49,100 --> 00:30:52,760
[Kevin] Just a couple of 70s bros talking about strange.

689
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,060
♪♪♪

690
00:30:55,060 --> 00:30:57,010
Hey Hey. Take it down. Take it down.

691
00:30:57,010 --> 00:30:58,440
I think I see something.

692
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:02,230
[Bill] Some campers left a piece of litter. Get back to the murder bear later.

693
00:31:02,230 --> 00:31:05,890
♪♪♪

694
00:31:05,890 --> 00:31:07,880
Oh boy. That might be our baby.

695
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,270
[Mike] We had a baby together?

696
00:31:09,270 --> 00:31:11,540
[Kevin] No you! Never mind.

697
00:31:11,540 --> 00:31:16,000
♪♪♪

698
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,480
[Bill] Let's set down on this nest full

699
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,660
of endangered bald eagle eggs and check things out.

700
00:31:20,660 --> 00:31:23,780
♪♪♪

701
00:31:23,780 --> 00:31:26,100
[Mike] (shouting) The bear will never hear us coming!

702
00:31:26,100 --> 00:31:28,760
♪♪♪

703
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:32,030
Hold it Kelly! Are you crazy?

704
00:31:32,030 --> 00:31:34,320
What the hell are you doing up here?

705
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:36,840
[Kevin] Some kind of Pablo Picasso in the wilderness thing?

706
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:41,270
Gonna tell that man that bear is not one of ours.

707
00:31:41,270 --> 00:31:43,310
Are you sure? Positive.

708
00:31:43,310 --> 00:31:45,930
[Bill] I'd bet my hamster hide cape on it.

709
00:31:45,930 --> 00:31:47,280
Can do better on my own.

710
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,090
You almost got yo tail shot off.

711
00:31:49,090 --> 00:31:50,600
(laughs) Almost.

712
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,510
Boy, if you ain't a big bag of grits.

713
00:31:52,510 --> 00:31:53,780
What the hell would you have done

714
00:31:53,780 --> 00:31:55,480
if you'd caught that big brown?

715
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,050
[Mike] So his premise is that a big bag of grits would be brave?

716
00:31:58,050 --> 00:31:59,800
Grizzly. Hmm?

717
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,780
Ain't no grizzlies up here.

718
00:32:01,780 --> 00:32:03,380
I used to hunt these woods for years.

719
00:32:03,380 --> 00:32:04,640
It can't be a grizzly.

720
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,010
[Kevin] I'm thinking panda.

721
00:32:06,010 --> 00:32:08,130
Years ago, big bounty hunter remember?

722
00:32:08,130 --> 00:32:09,910
This one survived.

723
00:32:09,910 --> 00:32:12,590
I'm telling you it can't be!

724
00:32:12,590 --> 00:32:14,110
[Bill] I mean Aunt Bea!

725
00:32:14,110 --> 00:32:15,760
Grizzly and then some.

726
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:17,760
Guys I'm a little bushed.

727
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:19,380
Can I hitch a ride back with you?

728
00:32:19,380 --> 00:32:21,760
Yeah come on.

729
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,680
You know that the average grizzly.

730
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,950
He's about seven feet tall.

731
00:32:25,950 --> 00:32:27,510
Some of them are shorter.

732
00:32:27,510 --> 00:32:29,830
[Mike] Yeah. Yeah that's what average means. (Bill laughs)

733
00:32:29,830 --> 00:32:31,960
Fifteen feet.

734
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,280
Oh no. Maybe in Alaska.

735
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,440
Just maybe. But not down here.

736
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:40,110
[Kevin] These are standard folksy helicopter pilots slash large mammal experts.

737
00:32:40,110 --> 00:32:42,250
Established his territory.

738
00:32:42,250 --> 00:32:44,160
The whole damn forest?

739
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:45,880
What you're talking about is unreal.

740
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,800
[Bill] I don't care how Richard Dreyfussy your hat is.

741
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,980
He weighs over two thousand pounds.

742
00:32:51,980 --> 00:32:55,040
Boys want a bite?

743
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:56,760
[Mike] It's fresh human lady. I mean!

744
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,250
Some kind of authority on all this.

745
00:32:59,250 --> 00:33:02,380
But what you're talking about is science fiction or fairy tale.

746
00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:04,890
Science yeah, fiction no.

747
00:33:04,890 --> 00:33:07,210
[Kevin] Fairy no. Tale yes.

748
00:33:07,210 --> 00:33:10,210
Large called Artonis Ursas Horribulus.

749
00:33:10,210 --> 00:33:11,400
Oh.

750
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,010
And they was the mightiest carnivores in the Pleistocene era.

751
00:33:14,010 --> 00:33:17,440
[Bill] Science facts are best with an unseemly mouthful of bread.

752
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,350
He was a hearty ancestor who managed to hang in there.

753
00:33:20,350 --> 00:33:23,770
What the hell is a million year old grizzly doing here?

754
00:33:23,770 --> 00:33:26,710
[Mike] That's what they said when I joined Snapchat.

755
00:33:26,710 --> 00:33:28,450
Strictly carnivores those things.

756
00:33:28,450 --> 00:33:31,150
And they sure do love meat.

757
00:33:31,150 --> 00:33:34,420
In that case let's get the hell out of here.

758
00:33:34,420 --> 00:33:39,600
[Kevin] One Guy Eats While Two Other Guys Watch will return after this.

759
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:44,760
(indistinct chatter and singing)

760
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,380
[Bill] Cut to the grizzly in a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses.

761
00:33:47,380 --> 00:33:50,070
Dominating the limbo while everyone cheers.

762
00:33:50,070 --> 00:33:51,580
[Mike] You're the man grizzly!

763
00:33:51,580 --> 00:33:55,320
[Kevin] Yeah. Devour me next time you big fat party animal!

764
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,050
(kids singing camp fire songs)

765
00:33:58,050 --> 00:34:01,420
(kids singing)

766
00:34:01,420 --> 00:34:03,000
[Bill] Yeah. There's nothing like getting out into the woods.

767
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,860
Away from everything.

768
00:34:04,860 --> 00:34:09,200
Setting up camp uncomfortably close to dozens of other people.

769
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:14,330
(faint sound of singing in background)

770
00:34:14,330 --> 00:34:16,400
[Mike] Gah! What the hell is that?

771
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:22,200
[Kevin] Red hat guy is way scarier than any grizzly!

772
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:27,050
[Bill] By law, red hat guy can't be any closer than this to the kids' camp fire circle.

773
00:34:31,240 --> 00:34:38,420
[Mike] Schlitz. Wanna be like red hat guy, drink Schlitz.

774
00:34:38,420 --> 00:34:47,080
[Kevin] Yeah sure. Gotta smell good for red hat guy. (Bill laughs)

775
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:55,580
[Bill] Copious amounts of 70s arm hair. How is he not bursting into flames right now?

776
00:34:55,580 --> 00:34:57,150
[Mike] Sure would be a shame if something

777
00:34:57,150 --> 00:35:00,400
happened to me before I get down with red hat guy. ♪♪♪

778
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,420
(screaming)

779
00:35:02,420 --> 00:35:06,230
No!

780
00:35:06,230 --> 00:35:10,190
[Kevin] My back up red hats are in there!

781
00:35:10,190 --> 00:35:13,080
No!

782
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:17,160
[Bill] (laughs) I can't tell what's happening physically here but it seems pretty bad!

783
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,660
(growling) (screaming)

784
00:35:20,660 --> 00:35:24,410
Don't go near her!

785
00:35:24,410 --> 00:35:26,740
(screaming)

786
00:35:26,740 --> 00:35:29,620
[Mike] (laughs) Who's the hero who shouted "Don't get near her"?

787
00:35:29,620 --> 00:35:32,500
♪♪♪

788
00:35:32,500 --> 00:35:36,340
[Bill] Red hat guy. A nation mourns with thee.

789
00:35:36,340 --> 00:35:38,470
Alright you. Go on back.

790
00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:39,740
Let's go now.

791
00:35:39,740 --> 00:35:42,060
Go on back to your camp sites. We've got it here.

792
00:35:42,060 --> 00:35:43,730
[Mike] Settle down you cowards.

793
00:35:43,730 --> 00:35:45,740
Don't let the biggest monster you've ever seen tearing

794
00:35:45,740 --> 00:35:48,790
through tents stop you from going back to sleep in your tent.

795
00:35:48,790 --> 00:35:53,490
Everybody back to your camp site.

796
00:35:53,490 --> 00:35:58,170
[Kevin] And I swore I was gonna lose my virginity this summer. (fake sobs)

797
00:35:58,170 --> 00:36:01,850
Mr. Walker, you can.

798
00:36:01,850 --> 00:36:06,580
Well you can ride in the ambulance.

799
00:36:06,580 --> 00:36:07,840
Sally loved me.

800
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,530
She really did.

801
00:36:10,530 --> 00:36:13,990
Come on.

802
00:36:13,990 --> 00:36:16,220
[Mike] Hey fellas. this guy believes a woman loved him.

803
00:36:16,220 --> 00:36:20,850
He's obviously delusional from trauma and needs medical attention immediately.

804
00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:31,330
[Kevin] Ah. One of the paramedics is 15 feet tall and covered in brown fur.

805
00:36:31,330 --> 00:36:33,830
Ah I'm sure he's fine.

806
00:36:33,830 --> 00:36:37,020
(doors slam)

807
00:36:37,020 --> 00:36:38,770
[Bill] It'd be pretty great if the scientist guy took

808
00:36:38,770 --> 00:36:41,800
another big bite out of a sandwich right now.

809
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:45,590
What the hell happened?

810
00:36:45,590 --> 00:36:47,240
I thought you said he was in the high country?

811
00:36:47,240 --> 00:36:48,510
Did I say that?

812
00:36:48,510 --> 00:36:49,960
I guess he came down.

813
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,000
[Mike] We're talking about John Denver right?

814
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,880
I wash my hands of it.

815
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,250
You wash your hands of it?

816
00:36:56,250 --> 00:36:57,830
Well it's your park, Mr. park supervisor.

817
00:36:57,830 --> 00:36:59,940
[Kevin] With that name, no wonder he got the job.

818
00:36:59,940 --> 00:37:01,360
The bear is yours.

819
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:02,940
Correction.

820
00:37:02,940 --> 00:37:04,300
You didn't do the job Scott.

821
00:37:04,300 --> 00:37:05,590
Hey you've got your head in the sand.

822
00:37:05,590 --> 00:37:07,110
We've got a killer grizzly on our hands.

823
00:37:07,110 --> 00:37:08,570
Scott you're a maniac.

824
00:37:08,570 --> 00:37:10,530
[Bill] And a big bag of grits.

825
00:37:10,530 --> 00:37:12,290
Running around in costumes, there ARE no grizzlies.

826
00:37:12,290 --> 00:37:15,280
Kelly I want that damn bear!

827
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,510
[Mike] And its badge and its gun!

828
00:37:17,510 --> 00:37:19,010
Get me some men from Washington.

829
00:37:19,010 --> 00:37:20,530
Gonna blow this thing out of proportion?

830
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:21,780
Listen, campers come in here.

831
00:37:21,780 --> 00:37:23,030
They leave food around.

832
00:37:23,030 --> 00:37:24,710
The bears get the smell of it. And that's it.

833
00:37:24,710 --> 00:37:26,500
Well this is different.

834
00:37:26,500 --> 00:37:29,930
This bum's eating his victims.

835
00:37:29,930 --> 00:37:31,690
[Kevin] Bum? (Mike laughs)

836
00:37:31,690 --> 00:37:33,500
[Bill] Bum.

837
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:35,270
So let's quit arguing responsibility!

838
00:37:35,270 --> 00:37:37,080
You've got enough men at your disposal.

839
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:39,370
Now either you do the job or I will.

840
00:37:39,370 --> 00:37:43,540
[Bill] Or this mustache guy who just crashed our argument.

841
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,090
♪♪♪

842
00:37:48,090 --> 00:37:51,260
[Mike] You know fine. I'll say it. That bear who is eating his victims is a real bum.

843
00:37:51,260 --> 00:37:52,640
[Kevin] Yeah he is a bit of a jerk.

844
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,850
[Bill] Yeah. You know, if you ask me, he kind of stinks.

845
00:37:55,850 --> 00:37:58,020
[Kevin] Uh huh.

846
00:37:58,020 --> 00:38:02,340
♪♪♪

847
00:38:02,340 --> 00:38:03,750
[Mike] Uh.

848
00:38:03,750 --> 00:38:07,860
Finally some real action. Here comes the camp site toilet monthly clean up crew.

849
00:38:07,860 --> 00:38:11,740
♪♪♪ (indistinct chatter)

850
00:38:11,740 --> 00:38:15,610
♪♪♪ (indistinct chatter)

851
00:38:15,610 --> 00:38:16,780
Got the ammo Charlie?

852
00:38:16,780 --> 00:38:18,310
Yeah I got plenty.

853
00:38:18,310 --> 00:38:19,780
[Kevin] Okay. We now come to the yocals

854
00:38:19,780 --> 00:38:22,210
taking matters into their own hands section of this monster movie.

855
00:38:22,210 --> 00:38:24,240
Please choose your favorite yokels and place

856
00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:27,510
your bets on the order of their horrific deaths.

857
00:38:27,510 --> 00:38:30,250
(dog barks)

858
00:38:30,250 --> 00:38:32,350
♪♪♪

859
00:38:32,350 --> 00:38:34,200
♪♪♪

860
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:37,380
[Bill] Okay. Everybody fan out, and make as much stupid noise as possible!

861
00:38:37,380 --> 00:38:38,850
[Mike] Hoo dee hoo!

862
00:38:38,850 --> 00:38:40,150
[Kevin] Rabbo rabbo!

863
00:38:40,150 --> 00:38:42,110
[Bill] Unique New York! Unique New York!

864
00:38:42,110 --> 00:38:45,070
♪♪♪

865
00:38:45,070 --> 00:38:48,020
Damn dogs.

866
00:38:48,020 --> 00:38:50,480
[Mike] Wait. Does he think they're hunting the dogs? (Bill laughs)

867
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,140
♪♪♪

868
00:38:52,140 --> 00:38:54,170
[Kevin] Redrum! [Bill] Bananas in pajamas!

869
00:38:54,170 --> 00:38:56,660
[Mike] Who moved my cheese? [Kevin] No Hunting!

870
00:38:56,660 --> 00:38:58,290
[Bill] Dammit Clarence. You're doing it wrong!

871
00:38:58,290 --> 00:39:00,080
[Kevin] Sorry!

872
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,240
♪♪♪

873
00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:05,820
Hunters?

874
00:39:05,820 --> 00:39:08,590
What the hell are they doing down here?

875
00:39:08,590 --> 00:39:10,590
[Mike] Hunting if I had to guess.

876
00:39:10,590 --> 00:39:13,000
Who opened up this forest for the hunters?

877
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,510
You know that those clowns are gonna shoot everything in sight.

878
00:39:15,510 --> 00:39:17,280
I'd let him.

879
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,810
They might get that old bear for us.

880
00:39:19,810 --> 00:39:21,390
Yeah. Including some of the rangers.

881
00:39:21,390 --> 00:39:23,040
They'll get back.

882
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:24,720
[Kevin] Hey, am I the only one still concerned

883
00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:27,070
about the wine pricing back at the lodge?

884
00:39:27,070 --> 00:39:28,700
There's a lot at stake here!

885
00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:30,590
[Bill] Oh yeah!

886
00:39:30,590 --> 00:39:33,470
♪♪♪

887
00:39:33,470 --> 00:39:34,760
[Bill] Everything here makes me feel like the

888
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:37,830
"Shake Hands With Danger" song's coming up soon.

889
00:39:37,830 --> 00:39:40,860
[Mike] Sheriff Hanlon's cousin Jerry Hanlon was out hunting grizzly one day.

890
00:39:40,860 --> 00:39:46,280
But he forgot to hunt the safety on his rifle. (Kevin humming)

891
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,960
Jesus!

892
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:52,610
♪♪♪

893
00:39:52,610 --> 00:39:55,480
[Bill] Must have been those damn dogs!

894
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:59,710
♪♪♪ (growling)

895
00:39:59,710 --> 00:40:03,210
[Mike] Based on the music this is space bear.

896
00:40:03,210 --> 00:40:07,640
(growling) ♪♪♪

897
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:13,980
[Kevin] Okay checklist time. Got my orange vest and hat. Wandered off from the

898
00:40:13,980 --> 00:40:17,400
rest of the group. Filled all my pockets with fresh clover honey.

899
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,390
Doing everything by the book baby!

900
00:40:20,390 --> 00:40:23,330
♪♪♪

901
00:40:23,330 --> 00:40:26,970
♪♪♪

902
00:40:26,970 --> 00:40:28,920
[Bill] Bear point of view.

903
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:32,980
♪♪♪ (growling)

904
00:40:32,980 --> 00:40:36,660
[Bill] Bear watching another bear's legs point of view? I guess?

905
00:40:36,660 --> 00:40:40,800
[Mike] Another great shot.

906
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:44,020
[Kevin] (laughs) I've seen better cinematography in home videos of Big Foot.

907
00:40:44,020 --> 00:40:46,490
♪♪♪

908
00:40:46,490 --> 00:40:48,550
♪♪♪

909
00:40:48,550 --> 00:40:50,930
[Bill] It's weird you guys. I've got a sudden hankering for bear legs.

910
00:40:50,930 --> 00:40:54,600
Do they have those on a novelty sandwich at KFC yet?

911
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,750
[Kevin] Hope so.

912
00:40:56,750 --> 00:41:00,480
♪♪♪

913
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:04,650
[Mike] Hmm. This back and forth is so tense and thrilling.

914
00:41:04,650 --> 00:41:07,680
I hope it goes on for another two, or even three seconds.

915
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,490
♪♪♪

916
00:41:10,490 --> 00:41:14,250
♪♪♪

917
00:41:14,250 --> 00:41:16,930
[Kevin] Friendly chipmunk point of view?

918
00:41:16,930 --> 00:41:19,290
(growling) Okay.

919
00:41:19,290 --> 00:41:21,150
Maybe not.

920
00:41:21,150 --> 00:41:23,180
(growling)

921
00:41:23,180 --> 00:41:25,030
[Bill] Idiot. Dropped his gun.

922
00:41:25,030 --> 00:41:26,340
[Mike] Well don't blame him.

923
00:41:26,340 --> 00:41:29,480
Grizzlies growl at a resonant frequency that makes you do that.

924
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,430
[Bill] Ah kind of like the brown nose? Not as messy.

925
00:41:32,430 --> 00:41:34,750
♪♪♪

926
00:41:34,750 --> 00:41:38,400
♪♪♪

927
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:41,910
[Kevin] (shouting) My balls!!! (Bill laughs)

928
00:41:41,910 --> 00:41:46,110
(growling) ♪♪♪

929
00:41:46,110 --> 00:41:48,690
My god!

930
00:41:48,690 --> 00:41:51,670
[Bill] I might be done for. But at least I know my nephew is

931
00:41:51,670 --> 00:41:56,760
safe at the beach on Amity Island with that new inflatable raft I got him.

932
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,540
♪♪♪

933
00:41:59,540 --> 00:42:03,110
Jesus!!!

934
00:42:03,110 --> 00:42:07,370
[Mike] He's like if Mr. Bean went hunting but without the quiet dignity.

935
00:42:07,370 --> 00:42:12,610
♪♪♪

936
00:42:12,610 --> 00:42:15,010
[Kevin] Ah I hope this bear business ends soon.

937
00:42:15,010 --> 00:42:19,400
I've got to get back to being a slum lord in a blacksploitation movie.

938
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:25,410
There are seats in this room.

939
00:42:25,410 --> 00:42:28,980
[Bill] Yeah I like to say that whenever I'm in a room that has seats.

940
00:42:28,980 --> 00:42:30,440
I want to know what those hunters are doing out there?

941
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:31,860
[Bill] It's good. [Kevin] Yeah.

942
00:42:31,860 --> 00:42:33,390
I didn't have a choice.

943
00:42:33,390 --> 00:42:34,800
Do you?

944
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:36,620
You made it open season for every animal in those woods.

945
00:42:36,620 --> 00:42:38,340
[Mike] George Steel is terrified.

946
00:42:38,340 --> 00:42:40,140
Made it clear they're hunting for bear.

947
00:42:40,140 --> 00:42:41,390
It's not bear. It's grizzly.

948
00:42:41,390 --> 00:42:42,660
There's a difference.

949
00:42:42,660 --> 00:42:44,160
A bear is a bear.

950
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,760
Bear is not a bear, believe it or not.

951
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:50,430
[Kevin] This flies in the face of "A horse is a horse of course. Of course!

952
00:42:50,430 --> 00:42:51,860
The professional hunters!

953
00:42:51,860 --> 00:42:53,460
I can't help that.

954
00:42:53,460 --> 00:42:55,520
You always get a few.....crazies.

955
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,360
I want them out of my forest.

956
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:01,730
It's not YOUR forest, Kelly.

957
00:43:01,730 --> 00:43:04,810
[Mike] And may I remind you there are seats in this room.

958
00:43:04,810 --> 00:43:08,230
Do you know those woods are full of campers?

959
00:43:08,230 --> 00:43:10,350
Not in R3 and R4.

960
00:43:10,350 --> 00:43:12,060
[Kevin] R2D2 is packed though.

961
00:43:12,060 --> 00:43:14,470
Do you think they're walking around with a map or something?

962
00:43:14,470 --> 00:43:15,950
They're in no danger.

963
00:43:15,950 --> 00:43:17,500
Bull!

964
00:43:17,500 --> 00:43:19,230
You're through.

965
00:43:19,230 --> 00:43:20,600
No.

966
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:21,810
[Bill] Big bag of grits.

967
00:43:21,810 --> 00:43:23,690
I'd like to ask you something.

968
00:43:23,690 --> 00:43:25,350
Why are you on my ass?

969
00:43:25,350 --> 00:43:27,560
I'm glad you asked that.

970
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:30,060
[Mike] I enjoy having dialogues about ass. (Bill laughs)

971
00:43:30,060 --> 00:43:33,070
Kelly.

972
00:43:33,070 --> 00:43:35,530
You're a maverick.

973
00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:36,840
[Kevin] Oh thanks!

974
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:40,320
We don't have room for mavericks. [Kevin] Oh. [Bill] Aww.

975
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,650
Well let me tell you something Kitridge.

976
00:43:43,650 --> 00:43:46,150
While you've been sitting around here on your fat ass.

977
00:43:46,150 --> 00:43:48,310
[Bill] More ass talk. Whoo hoo!

978
00:43:48,310 --> 00:43:50,010
No you listen!

979
00:43:50,010 --> 00:43:54,460
Those hunters are in my jurisdiction.

980
00:43:54,460 --> 00:43:56,810
And I'm gonna deal with them the way I see fit.

981
00:43:56,810 --> 00:43:59,420
You just try and stop me.

982
00:43:59,420 --> 00:44:06,010
[Mike] Now if you'll excuse me I have a girl scout sing a long to supervise.

983
00:44:06,010 --> 00:44:09,290
[Kevin] Farted in your chair.

984
00:44:09,290 --> 00:44:11,090
[Bill] Farted on your desk.

985
00:44:15,690 --> 00:44:19,260
[Mike] Uh oh. Looks like a rogue UPS driver's waiting to ambush them!

986
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,290
[Kevin] Hmm. Maybe he's just a torso propped up in the seat.

987
00:44:25,290 --> 00:44:27,600
The grizzly's developing a sense of humor.

988
00:44:30,790 --> 00:44:32,270
Tom?

989
00:44:32,270 --> 00:44:33,610
Yeah?

990
00:44:33,610 --> 00:44:35,370
You okay? Fine.

991
00:44:35,370 --> 00:44:37,370
[Bill] You said we'd play catch dad!

992
00:44:37,370 --> 00:44:38,700
The bastard got hold of a hunter.

993
00:44:38,700 --> 00:44:40,290
He managed to get away.

994
00:44:40,290 --> 00:44:41,710
Where is he?

995
00:44:41,710 --> 00:44:43,790
Over at the clinic. He's really beat up.

996
00:44:43,790 --> 00:44:45,910
He's also one lucky hunter.

997
00:44:45,910 --> 00:44:49,720
[Mike] Hunter? Oh no. I meant the bear's in the clinic. The hunter's dead as hell.

998
00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:51,080
Hey Scotty?

999
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:52,690
Will you take Don over to pick up his stuff?

1000
00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:58,190
[Kevin] The taking of Don over to pick up his stuff lasted well into the night.

1001
00:44:58,190 --> 00:45:04,010
(Bill laughs)

1002
00:45:04,010 --> 00:45:07,880
[Bill] Long tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs and so forth.

1003
00:45:17,020 --> 00:45:19,990
[Kevin] Hi. Um. So I know this space belonged to the ranger who got slaughtered.

1004
00:45:19,990 --> 00:45:25,520
But I mean she's not using it anymore. so. What? What? I'm just being practical.

1005
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:31,710
I was feeling unloved.

1006
00:45:31,710 --> 00:45:33,350
Well so was I.

1007
00:45:33,350 --> 00:45:34,840
I'm glad you stopped by. We're just getting ready to take off.

1008
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:36,450
I'm coming with you.

1009
00:45:36,450 --> 00:45:38,940
[Bill] Somebody's gotta teach that bear about wine pricing.

1010
00:45:38,940 --> 00:45:40,540
Just couldn't handle it.

1011
00:45:40,540 --> 00:45:41,840
I couldn't?

1012
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:43,540
Alright maybe I couldn't handle it then.

1013
00:45:43,540 --> 00:45:45,030
Look I'll stay out of your way.

1014
00:45:45,030 --> 00:45:47,740
[Mike] I'll make sure to get disemboweled real quick so I'm out of your hair.

1015
00:45:47,740 --> 00:45:48,890
Don't want to see you get hurt.

1016
00:45:48,890 --> 00:45:50,650
I mean for both our sakes.

1017
00:45:50,650 --> 00:45:52,760
Is that a line that's supposed to make me feel grateful?

1018
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:55,480
I don't feel like playing little boy-girl games.

1019
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,850
[Kevin] Like GI Jem and the Holograms.

1020
00:45:57,850 --> 00:45:59,330
You just said the wrong thing.

1021
00:45:59,330 --> 00:46:01,160
You're not going with me.

1022
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:02,640
Dammit Kelly!

1023
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:04,670
I'm glad you see it my way!

1024
00:46:04,670 --> 00:46:06,780
Really!

1025
00:46:06,780 --> 00:46:08,460
[Bill] He's not into little boy-girl games.

1026
00:46:08,460 --> 00:46:11,820
But little boy girl kisses are the only kind he'll do.

1027
00:46:11,820 --> 00:46:15,770
♪♪♪

1028
00:46:15,770 --> 00:46:19,290
[Mike] Sure. Yeah. Good time to catch some ZZZs outside.

1029
00:46:19,290 --> 00:46:21,070
[Kevin] (laughs) It's like everyone in this movie about a killer bear

1030
00:46:21,070 --> 00:46:24,180
on the loose keeps forgetting there's a killer bear on the loose.

1031
00:46:24,180 --> 00:46:27,060
♪♪♪

1032
00:46:27,060 --> 00:46:29,660
[Bill] The bear's learning to accept that he peeked with the skinny dipping lady

1033
00:46:29,660 --> 00:46:32,370
It's all down hill from there.

1034
00:46:32,370 --> 00:46:37,160
♪♪♪

1035
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:40,990
[Mike] Aww. They got sleeping bags. I hate when you have to peel these things.

1036
00:46:40,990 --> 00:46:45,920
♪♪♪

1037
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,970
[Kevin] The Grizzlylocks found this potential victim to be too hot.

1038
00:46:48,970 --> 00:46:53,030
While this potential victim was far too cold.

1039
00:46:53,030 --> 00:46:55,290
♪♪♪

1040
00:46:55,290 --> 00:46:59,980
(growling) (screaming)

1041
00:46:59,980 --> 00:47:03,720
[Bill] Ahhh! I mean our clever plan to lure the bear worked!

1042
00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:07,460
Ha ha ha!

1043
00:47:07,460 --> 00:47:09,850
Lost twenty years.

1044
00:47:09,850 --> 00:47:12,080
[Mike] Lost twenty years following John Mellencamp on tour.

1045
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:14,770
But that's another story.

1046
00:47:14,770 --> 00:47:16,470
He just might be that old grizzly's cub.

1047
00:47:16,470 --> 00:47:17,770
No way.

1048
00:47:17,770 --> 00:47:19,510
He's a possibility.

1049
00:47:19,510 --> 00:47:21,860
Hey. Hey listen.

1050
00:47:21,860 --> 00:47:24,350
That thing might come in here after that cub.

1051
00:47:24,350 --> 00:47:26,340
Let's get him out of here.

1052
00:47:26,340 --> 00:47:28,650
[Kevin] Thanks for the input radio voiceover guy.

1053
00:47:28,650 --> 00:47:31,210
[Bill] (laughs) In a world.

1054
00:47:31,210 --> 00:47:32,930
We use this cub as bait.

1055
00:47:32,930 --> 00:47:34,420
We take it back in there.

1056
00:47:34,420 --> 00:47:36,780
Find us a clearing. We'll go into blinds.

1057
00:47:36,780 --> 00:47:38,430
[Bill] Make out with it a little.

1058
00:47:38,430 --> 00:47:40,060
[Mike] Exactly. Wait? What was that last part?

1059
00:47:40,060 --> 00:47:42,100
[Bill] Ah nothing.

1060
00:47:42,100 --> 00:47:45,730
♪♪♪

1061
00:47:45,730 --> 00:47:47,210
[Kevin] Mess around with bear cubs is the first

1062
00:47:47,210 --> 00:47:49,060
thing professional park rangers will teach you.

1063
00:47:49,060 --> 00:47:50,710
Right after litter all you want

1064
00:47:50,710 --> 00:47:53,580
and forest fires are somebody else's problem.

1065
00:47:53,580 --> 00:47:56,230
♪♪♪

1066
00:47:56,230 --> 00:47:57,840
♪♪♪

1067
00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,220
It's a lot different from deer hunting.

1068
00:47:59,220 --> 00:48:00,640
[Mike] Less antler jokes for sure.

1069
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:02,070
Yeah that damn thing fights back.

1070
00:48:02,070 --> 00:48:04,460
Hey we're going to have to hold the noise down, the damn thing won't come anywhere near...

1071
00:48:04,460 --> 00:48:07,340
(growling)

1072
00:48:07,340 --> 00:48:10,340
[Kevin] Oh. And now comes the tender reunion between a bear and its cub.

1073
00:48:10,340 --> 00:48:13,710
(growling)

1074
00:48:13,710 --> 00:48:17,700
[Kevin] Or the (indistinct) devouring a soul of an innocent.

1075
00:48:17,700 --> 00:48:19,300
♪♪♪

1076
00:48:19,300 --> 00:48:21,380
Whose stupid idea it was to use that cub as live bait?

1077
00:48:21,380 --> 00:48:23,200
It was mine.

1078
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:28,060
[Bill] I also tried to teach it italian. I'll just stop having ideas.

1079
00:48:28,060 --> 00:48:29,660
Anybody see it happen?

1080
00:48:29,660 --> 00:48:32,850
Naw. She just grabbed up the cub and that was it.

1081
00:48:32,850 --> 00:48:35,020
You know one thing for sure.

1082
00:48:35,020 --> 00:48:37,410
[Mike] We'll be working for that bear soon enough.

1083
00:48:37,410 --> 00:48:39,380
Our grizzly is a he instead of a she.

1084
00:48:39,380 --> 00:48:41,020
Now how the hell do you know that?

1085
00:48:41,020 --> 00:48:42,320
Been peeking.

1086
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:43,700
Don't have to.

1087
00:48:43,700 --> 00:48:45,100
Only the males are cannibalistic.

1088
00:48:45,100 --> 00:48:46,540
They'll eat a cub if they're hungry.

1089
00:48:46,540 --> 00:48:48,060
[Kevin] Two or three of them if they're stoned.

1090
00:48:48,060 --> 00:48:49,720
Does that help us any? Sure does.

1091
00:48:49,720 --> 00:48:51,210
He's gonna retrace his route.

1092
00:48:51,210 --> 00:48:53,390
I mean he's gonna come back to the scene of his crime.

1093
00:48:53,390 --> 00:48:55,970
[Bill] Male bears also toy with investigators.

1094
00:48:55,970 --> 00:48:57,920
Could still be around here.

1095
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:00,620
He could be listening to us, right now.

1096
00:49:00,620 --> 00:49:04,230
Well if that's the case maybe we can flush him out.

1097
00:49:04,230 --> 00:49:06,140
We?

1098
00:49:06,140 --> 00:49:08,930
[Mike] Or impede? Botch maybe. Complicate at the very least.

1099
00:49:08,930 --> 00:49:10,750
We're pretty flexible.

1100
00:49:10,750 --> 00:49:12,500
Yeah but we go by the book.

1101
00:49:12,500 --> 00:49:14,870
Everyone follows orders.

1102
00:49:14,870 --> 00:49:16,530
You call the shots mister.

1103
00:49:16,530 --> 00:49:18,810
[Kevin] I'm the eye candy. (Bill laughs)

1104
00:49:18,810 --> 00:49:20,930
Okay you and the rest of the guys go up the north ridge.

1105
00:49:20,930 --> 00:49:23,820
That's uh Pinto Pass. I know where it is.

1106
00:49:23,820 --> 00:49:26,430
Alright. We're gonna spread and hold the line at Clover Basin.

1107
00:49:26,430 --> 00:49:27,950
Now if he comes down.

1108
00:49:27,950 --> 00:49:29,470
[Bill] Yell "surprise!"

1109
00:49:29,470 --> 00:49:33,320
Y'all boys come down that ridge, I'm gonna make like a war party.

1110
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:34,950
Make a lot of noise.

1111
00:49:34,950 --> 00:49:36,860
Maybe that grizzly will head towards us then.

1112
00:49:36,860 --> 00:49:40,200
Alright. Expect you to be in place and ready to go at day break.

1113
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:41,590
[Mike] Make sure you bring your waivers

1114
00:49:41,590 --> 00:49:44,400
I'm not dealing with any more weepy spouses.

1115
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:46,130
(indistinct) are going with us.

1116
00:49:46,130 --> 00:49:49,390
What? You're not leaving me out of this man. No way.

1117
00:49:49,390 --> 00:49:51,040
Not leaving you out of anything.

1118
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:53,310
I'm assigning you to air tower.

1119
00:49:53,310 --> 00:49:55,100
Don't do my any favors.

1120
00:49:55,100 --> 00:49:56,630
[Kevin] I don't know what's going on.

1121
00:49:56,630 --> 00:49:59,320
But seems like someone's ass is writing checks or something.

1122
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:02,080
[Bill] Ass? (guys laughs)

1123
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:03,480
Now you know how thick it is down there.

1124
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:06,840
Now from up there, you might be able to spot him.

1125
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:08,760
And you might get a crack at him.

1126
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:10,820
[Bill] Plus it overlooks make out point!

1127
00:50:10,820 --> 00:50:12,680
This whole damn thing.

1128
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:15,480
Tom? You're not gonna be left out of anything okay?

1129
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:18,150
[Mike] I'll need you to be a key witness for the trial.

1130
00:50:18,150 --> 00:50:20,750
Wish to hell it'd hurry up and be daylight.

1131
00:50:20,750 --> 00:50:23,090
Won't be much longer.

1132
00:50:23,090 --> 00:50:25,910
Bob? Still a little bit chilly this morning ain't it?

1133
00:50:25,910 --> 00:50:28,910
[Kevin] Downright snuggling weather if you ask me!

1134
00:50:28,910 --> 00:50:33,850
Alright. Let's go.

1135
00:50:33,850 --> 00:50:38,440
[Bill] Um. Come on, you, apes? You want to live forever?

1136
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:41,410
[Mike] You're not in Kansas anymore.

1137
00:50:41,410 --> 00:50:45,680
[Kevin] I ain't got time to uh, uh. Bleed. I ain't got time to bleed!

1138
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:50,220
[Bill] Uh game over man. And so that's the end of the game.

1139
00:50:50,220 --> 00:50:51,760
I think that's how the line goes.

1140
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:55,740
[Kevin] Yeah I think so.

1141
00:50:55,740 --> 00:51:00,000
Kelly I'd like have the first shot.

1142
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,100
I can't promise that.

1143
00:51:02,100 --> 00:51:04,350
[Mike] Okay. How about one free fragging? On the house?

1144
00:51:04,350 --> 00:51:06,620
At least fifteen feet tall.

1145
00:51:06,620 --> 00:51:08,610
Weighs maybe two or three thousand pounds right?

1146
00:51:08,610 --> 00:51:10,510
I want to catch him.

1147
00:51:10,510 --> 00:51:14,220
You what? Want to capture him?

1148
00:51:14,220 --> 00:51:15,690
That's right.

1149
00:51:15,690 --> 00:51:19,960
[Kevin] Huh. Right. An animal in captivity? (gurgling noises) Whoo hoo!

1150
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:22,120
I've been developing these brand new tranquilizer shells and.

1151
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:23,970
Oh christ.

1152
00:51:23,970 --> 00:51:26,740
That shell won't penetrate the hair of his chinny chin chin.

1153
00:51:26,740 --> 00:51:28,540
Not trying to kill him with it.

1154
00:51:28,540 --> 00:51:30,490
Just want to put it to sleep. Alright, that's fine.

1155
00:51:30,490 --> 00:51:32,870
The first guy to knock him down. That baby won't do it.

1156
00:51:32,870 --> 00:51:34,580
We'll see about that.

1157
00:51:34,580 --> 00:51:37,440
[Mike] Insult my official Red Ryder air rifle will ya?

1158
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,390
I sure hope you ain't going out there alone?

1159
00:51:39,390 --> 00:51:41,350
Liable to become its breakfast.

1160
00:51:41,350 --> 00:51:43,540
I figure that old grizzly is hungry again.

1161
00:51:43,540 --> 00:51:45,110
Not for a while.

1162
00:51:45,110 --> 00:51:46,570
I told you. He just ate the cub.

1163
00:51:46,570 --> 00:51:49,160
I doubt if he's hungry now. Yeah?

1164
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:52,220
[Kevin] (laughs) This pair seems pretty concerned about portion control.

1165
00:51:52,220 --> 00:51:55,190
(Bill laughs) I forget old grizzly's name.

1166
00:51:55,190 --> 00:51:58,540
[Bill] Is this guy being Alabama? What the? (Kevin laughs)

1167
00:51:58,540 --> 00:52:00,710
Pretty ridiculous. It is.

1168
00:52:00,710 --> 00:52:04,370
Well let me tell you a little story boy. [Bill] Oh no.

1169
00:52:04,370 --> 00:52:07,010
A long time ago there was a tribe of indians up here in these woods.

1170
00:52:07,010 --> 00:52:09,210
[Bill] I think he's about to all "Quinty".

1171
00:52:09,210 --> 00:52:11,210
Laid down with the pox.

1172
00:52:11,210 --> 00:52:13,360
Something I can't remember.

1173
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,590
♪♪♪

1174
00:52:15,590 --> 00:52:17,480
Anyway this herd of grizzlies smelled him out.

1175
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:21,030
They come in and they ate him.

1176
00:52:21,030 --> 00:52:24,660
[Kevin] But you delivered the bomb. The end. (Bill laughs)

1177
00:52:24,660 --> 00:52:28,440
Little children. Sicklings. Everybody.

1178
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,380
[Mike] One little, two little. Three little indians?

1179
00:52:31,380 --> 00:52:33,410
Hunt.

1180
00:52:33,410 --> 00:52:35,780
They come back.

1181
00:52:35,780 --> 00:52:39,500
And grizzlies turned on them.

1182
00:52:39,500 --> 00:52:42,930
[Kevin] It was the worst thing to happen to a native american that hour.

1183
00:52:42,930 --> 00:52:46,560
A whole herd of man eating grizzlies.

1184
00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:51,360
Just ran and ran. Tearing up indians.

1185
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:54,170
♪♪♪

1186
00:52:54,170 --> 00:52:56,740
Pretty hard to believe.

1187
00:52:56,740 --> 00:52:58,980
Unless you happen to be one of them indians.

1188
00:52:58,980 --> 00:53:01,440
[Mike] Now, do bears use every part of the indian?

1189
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:05,120
Kelly?

1190
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:07,600
I can still root him out my own way.

1191
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:09,430
Hell I can look like him.

1192
00:53:09,430 --> 00:53:11,110
I can smell like him.

1193
00:53:11,110 --> 00:53:12,960
Now give me a chance! Let me go in!

1194
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:15,750
You got a dime? Want to call your mama.

1195
00:53:15,750 --> 00:53:18,030
[Kevin] She's a copyright lawyer. I need to check something.

1196
00:53:18,030 --> 00:53:20,130
Around out here in the woods. Trying to act like a bear.

1197
00:53:20,130 --> 00:53:22,780
You smell like one. You scratching around in the ground like one.

1198
00:53:22,780 --> 00:53:26,040
I mean does she know you're making a damn fool of yourself?

1199
00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:28,690
[Bill] Where's this coming from?

1200
00:53:28,690 --> 00:53:31,200
This ain't no cat with teeth!!

1201
00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:32,810
You know I think your mama would be a little disappointed.

1202
00:53:32,810 --> 00:53:34,490
Maybe.

1203
00:53:34,490 --> 00:53:37,510
[Mike] She's in my duffle bag. you can ask her.

1204
00:53:37,510 --> 00:53:41,110
Not nearly as disappointed as she would be if she had you for a son.

1205
00:53:41,110 --> 00:53:42,940
Sonny!

1206
00:53:42,940 --> 00:53:45,780
Scotty? Scotty?

1207
00:53:45,780 --> 00:53:48,570
[Kevin] Your mom loves southern helicopter pilots. You know that!

1208
00:53:48,570 --> 00:53:50,850
You had a crack at him.

1209
00:53:50,850 --> 00:53:53,850
But I don't want you going out in those woods alone.

1210
00:53:53,850 --> 00:53:59,670
[Bill] Fine. I'm going to where the teddy bears have their picnic.

1211
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:06,340
♪♪♪

1212
00:54:06,340 --> 00:54:09,030
[Mike] And as a new day begins marketing trends shift.

1213
00:54:09,030 --> 00:54:13,060
And the bear suddenly becomes more like the aliens in Close Encounters.

1214
00:54:13,060 --> 00:54:16,240
♪♪♪

1215
00:54:16,240 --> 00:54:18,600
♪♪♪

1216
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:21,160
♪♪♪

1217
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:28,420
[Bill] Tourism took a hit ever since they installed that POW camp on the property.

1218
00:54:28,420 --> 00:54:33,160
♪♪♪

1219
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:35,870
[Mike] Well, that's one Fed Ex shipping center stared at.

1220
00:54:35,870 --> 00:54:37,810
Now let's have a look at the other one.

1221
00:54:37,810 --> 00:54:41,830
Maybe it's different from this angle. Nope. It's the same.

1222
00:54:41,830 --> 00:54:44,440
♪♪♪

1223
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:47,640
[Kevin] Gah! Even the senior centers have their bedroom shades closed today.

1224
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:50,410
Just my luck.

1225
00:54:50,410 --> 00:54:52,580
♪♪♪

1226
00:54:52,580 --> 00:54:55,210
♪♪♪

1227
00:54:55,210 --> 00:54:56,640
[Bill] Hurry fellas!

1228
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:58,280
We only have an hour before the Maya Angelou

1229
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:00,950
symposium at the Botanical Garden.

1230
00:55:00,950 --> 00:55:03,620
♪♪♪

1231
00:55:03,620 --> 00:55:06,280
[Mike] Will this map blow away? Stay tuned!

1232
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:08,770
♪♪♪

1233
00:55:08,770 --> 00:55:11,020
♪♪♪ (growling)

1234
00:55:11,020 --> 00:55:14,110
[Kevin] Ooo. Rough terrain.

1235
00:55:14,110 --> 00:55:17,520
Must be really hard for bears to ride their unicycles around there.

1236
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:20,650
(growling)

1237
00:55:20,650 --> 00:55:23,640
♪♪♪ (growling)

1238
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:26,430
♪♪♪

1239
00:55:26,430 --> 00:55:27,820
[Bill] Oh man.

1240
00:55:27,820 --> 00:55:31,410
You are just asking for a water balloon in the face with that kind of shot.

1241
00:55:31,410 --> 00:55:35,750
♪♪♪

1242
00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:41,410
[Mike] Ugh. What was in that cub? My movement is so erratic and inconsistent.

1243
00:55:41,410 --> 00:55:45,550
And is it just me or does my height keep changing?

1244
00:55:45,550 --> 00:55:49,200
Agh. Was that a lion's growl? I'm really out of it.

1245
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:52,160
♪♪♪ (beeping noise)

1246
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:54,870
[Kevin] Oh. My manicotti needs stirring.

1247
00:55:54,870 --> 00:55:56,660
Posner here?

1248
00:55:56,660 --> 00:55:59,260
You see anything moving out there at all?

1249
00:55:59,260 --> 00:56:02,420
Only your hunters tearing up the forest.

1250
00:56:02,420 --> 00:56:05,590
[Bill] Oh sure. When they rape the land they're suddenly MY hunters!

1251
00:56:05,590 --> 00:56:07,220
He has to be out there someplace.

1252
00:56:07,220 --> 00:56:12,870
♪♪♪

1253
00:56:12,870 --> 00:56:16,620
[Mike] Huh. Somebody lit the beacon of Gondor. Oh well. It's probably nothing.

1254
00:56:16,620 --> 00:56:19,610
♪♪♪

1255
00:56:19,610 --> 00:56:25,890
(growling)

1256
00:56:25,890 --> 00:56:29,760
[Bill] Hey! Do you play the washboard? Our jamboree needs a rhythm section!

1257
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:33,550
♪♪♪

1258
00:56:33,550 --> 00:56:35,770
Jesus!

1259
00:56:35,770 --> 00:56:37,200
♪♪♪

1260
00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:38,510
It's the grizzly!

1261
00:56:38,510 --> 00:56:41,310
[Mike] He thinks he's at Woodstock '99!

1262
00:56:41,310 --> 00:56:43,350
We're on our way!

1263
00:56:43,350 --> 00:56:45,090
♪♪♪

1264
00:56:45,090 --> 00:56:47,140
Come on Don! Come on!

1265
00:56:47,140 --> 00:56:48,550
♪♪♪

1266
00:56:48,550 --> 00:56:50,370
[Kevin] Uh the bear's triggering the cameraman's tremor. Quick!

1267
00:56:50,370 --> 00:56:53,070
Take your L-DOPA!

1268
00:56:53,070 --> 00:56:55,500
♪♪♪

1269
00:56:55,500 --> 00:56:57,710
[Bill] Ah. See the problem with bears is that whether

1270
00:56:57,710 --> 00:57:00,810
their team wins or loses, there's gonna be property damage.

1271
00:57:00,810 --> 00:57:02,620
[Kevin] Yeah.

1272
00:57:02,620 --> 00:57:06,150
♪♪♪ (growling)

1273
00:57:06,150 --> 00:57:10,930
[Mike] Grizzly just has questions about the butterfly peeper's hike next week.

1274
00:57:10,930 --> 00:57:13,180
(shots fire) ♪♪♪

1275
00:57:13,180 --> 00:57:15,520
(shots fire)

1276
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:16,930
♪♪♪

1277
00:57:16,930 --> 00:57:18,340
We're almost there!

1278
00:57:18,340 --> 00:57:21,590
[Kevin] One thing they kind of forgot to plan for? What to do if the bear shows up?

1279
00:57:21,590 --> 00:57:26,750
♪♪♪

1280
00:57:26,750 --> 00:57:29,900
[Bill] The tower where over 800 camp counselors

1281
00:57:29,900 --> 00:57:32,700
lost their virginity was demolished Tuesday.

1282
00:57:32,700 --> 00:57:36,780
Mourners are invited to pay their respects and brag.

1283
00:57:36,780 --> 00:57:39,310
♪♪♪

1284
00:57:39,310 --> 00:57:40,580
[Mike] Oh no!

1285
00:57:40,580 --> 00:57:41,810
Now I have to rebuild the tower which will

1286
00:57:41,810 --> 00:57:43,750
almost certainly drive up the wine prices.

1287
00:57:43,750 --> 00:57:46,310
[Kevin] No!

1288
00:57:46,310 --> 00:57:50,530
♪♪♪

1289
00:57:50,530 --> 00:57:55,150
[Kevin] Please tell everyone the skinny dipping ranger maybe kind of liked me.

1290
00:57:55,150 --> 00:57:59,390
♪♪♪

1291
00:57:59,390 --> 00:58:02,000
[Bill] Well, maybe southern guy has some medical training.

1292
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:07,410
Maybe not all is lost. Nope nope. He's checking his pulse through thick work gloves.

1293
00:58:07,410 --> 00:58:09,780
Rest in peace friend.

1294
00:58:09,780 --> 00:58:12,130
♪♪♪

1295
00:58:12,130 --> 00:58:16,110
♪♪♪

1296
00:58:16,110 --> 00:58:22,880
[Kevin] Ahhh. Well the bachelor auction's gonna need a new MC.

1297
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:26,610
That much is clear.

1298
00:58:26,610 --> 00:58:28,580
How would you say the bear thing is being handled?

1299
00:58:28,580 --> 00:58:30,530
Okay I guess.

1300
00:58:30,530 --> 00:58:32,510
[Bill] It distracts folks from our horrid appearance.

1301
00:58:32,510 --> 00:58:35,710
I sure do feel sorry for that poor forest ranger though.

1302
00:58:35,710 --> 00:58:37,410
Yeah I think we all feel the same way.

1303
00:58:37,410 --> 00:58:42,350
[Mike] Ugly presumptive news will return after this. (Bill laughs)

1304
00:58:42,350 --> 00:58:44,110
Is there anything I can do?

1305
00:58:44,110 --> 00:58:46,680
No, he has a family.

1306
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,670
[Kevin] Hmm. What can I provide that a family can't?

1307
00:58:49,670 --> 00:58:51,720
Send some flowers.

1308
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:54,530
[Kevin] That's it. Man I'm great in a crisis. I should run for office!

1309
00:58:54,530 --> 00:58:58,030
I've got a plan.

1310
00:58:58,030 --> 00:59:03,320
But I need time and men. [Bill] Time and Men's Health.

1311
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:04,730
Kelly I'm not.

1312
00:59:04,730 --> 00:59:07,440
Listen! Just listen.

1313
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:10,690
[Bill] I'm short on bathroom reading material, okay?

1314
00:59:10,690 --> 00:59:12,790
You've got Tom here.

1315
00:59:12,790 --> 00:59:16,180
Now the first killing took place up here.

1316
00:59:16,180 --> 00:59:18,280
He circled and killed.

1317
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:20,330
Circled and killed.

1318
00:59:20,330 --> 00:59:22,770
[Mike] Yep okay. I think. Killed Gil here.

1319
00:59:22,770 --> 00:59:24,020
[Mike] Alright.

1320
00:59:24,020 --> 00:59:25,500
And he circled again right behind us.

1321
00:59:25,500 --> 00:59:27,050
[Mike] Right. And killed Tom.

1322
00:59:27,050 --> 00:59:29,060
[Mike] Yes I get it. He likes to circle and kill!

1323
00:59:29,060 --> 00:59:31,640
Continue heading down looking for human food.

1324
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:33,920
[Kevin] (singing) Circle and kill!

1325
00:59:33,920 --> 00:59:35,630
What we're thinking.

1326
00:59:35,630 --> 00:59:37,370
And I'd like to get the jump on him this time.

1327
00:59:37,370 --> 00:59:39,620
The grizzly's an animal Kelly.

1328
00:59:39,620 --> 00:59:41,680
Don't give it human qualities.

1329
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:43,450
[Bill] Unless you're an animatronics engineer.

1330
00:59:43,450 --> 00:59:46,910
Then by all means anthropomorphize away!

1331
00:59:46,910 --> 00:59:48,400
He's not even listening to you Kelly.

1332
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,860
Mm mm.

1333
00:59:50,860 --> 00:59:54,860
See he doesn't understand that we're dealing with a highly intelligent beast.

1334
00:59:54,860 --> 00:59:57,870
[Mike] One who wouldn't stoop to corporate sponsors.

1335
00:59:57,870 --> 01:00:02,420
Scotty? Would you take that sandwich outside and eat it?

1336
01:00:02,420 --> 01:00:05,280
Please?

1337
01:00:05,280 --> 01:00:07,660
[Mike] But my thing is sandwich eating! (Bill laughs)

1338
01:00:07,660 --> 01:00:11,810
[Bill] Sandwich. Come on.

1339
01:00:11,810 --> 01:00:14,560
[Kevin] Aww!

1340
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:16,900
Charlie?

1341
01:00:16,900 --> 01:00:19,520
Close the park and give me another crack at him.

1342
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:21,640
[Bill] Man, this is on the nose.

1343
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:24,440
Need to close the park.

1344
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:26,140
[Bill] Can we just get you a light blue anchor

1345
01:00:26,140 --> 01:00:28,380
jacket and be done with it? (Kevin laughs)

1346
01:00:28,380 --> 01:00:30,500
Reporters out there and TV cameramen than there are animals.

1347
01:00:30,500 --> 01:00:33,580
It's a goddamn circus! I invited them.

1348
01:00:33,580 --> 01:00:35,130
You invited them?

1349
01:00:35,130 --> 01:00:37,040
[Mike] There's only enough paella for three!

1350
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:40,080
See the kind of clean thorough job that we're capable of doing.

1351
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:42,590
You're kidding?

1352
01:00:42,590 --> 01:00:45,180
We have five dead people.

1353
01:00:45,180 --> 01:00:46,910
One raving almost dead man!

1354
01:00:46,910 --> 01:00:48,730
And you call that clean?

1355
01:00:48,730 --> 01:00:51,040
[Bill] Now they're getting close to witness level yelling.

1356
01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:53,030
(guys yell indistinctly)

1357
01:00:53,030 --> 01:00:56,350
[Bill] Like that.

1358
01:00:56,350 --> 01:00:58,700
[Kevin] Right.

1359
01:00:58,700 --> 01:01:03,000
You can go to Washington and get one of those dark brown plastic offices!

1360
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:04,530
Get out!

1361
01:01:04,530 --> 01:01:08,700
[Mike] No YOU get out! [Kevin] Hi I'm back. (Bill laughs)

1362
01:01:08,700 --> 01:01:10,080
Out of my office.

1363
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:11,810
Because when I finish with you there's not gonna

1364
01:01:11,810 --> 01:01:14,680
be anybody there waiting to shake your greasy bloody hand.

1365
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:16,880
You are finished, dismissed, removed!

1366
01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:23,620
Up yours! [Bill] A...sphincter....says... WHAT?

1367
01:01:23,620 --> 01:01:26,880
(dog barks)

1368
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:29,830
[Kevin] Great scene.

1369
01:01:29,830 --> 01:01:31,800
[Mike] Oh. They caught him in a rare moment when he

1370
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:34,990
wasn't eating a wrapped, store bought deli sandwich.

1371
01:01:41,870 --> 01:01:46,280
[Kevin] Ah. Yeah.

1372
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:50,780
The cigarette after losing a government job is always the smoothest.

1373
01:01:50,780 --> 01:01:52,960
[Bill] (whisper) Oh baby.

1374
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:54,510
Ah. Not bright enough.

1375
01:01:54,510 --> 01:01:57,320
Yeah I mean uh.

1376
01:01:57,320 --> 01:01:59,090
Well the hell do hunters know about?

1377
01:01:59,090 --> 01:02:01,220
Rangers know about hunting?

1378
01:02:01,220 --> 01:02:03,170
[Mike] (slurring words) And what do dental hygienists know about

1379
01:02:03,170 --> 01:02:06,730
ventriloquism? That's what I want to know!

1380
01:02:06,730 --> 01:02:10,880
Do you know the kind of real estate deal I can make on this property?

1381
01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:13,940
[Kevin] I got it for a nickel from the original owners.

1382
01:02:13,940 --> 01:02:17,170
First I'd parcel off the lots.

1383
01:02:17,170 --> 01:02:18,980
Do whatever you like.

1384
01:02:18,980 --> 01:02:21,300
Want to be the one to hang up your jock?

1385
01:02:21,300 --> 01:02:23,520
That's your business.

1386
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:26,810
Do me a favor. [Bill] Never mention my jock again.

1387
01:02:26,810 --> 01:02:29,120
Go home. Mmm mmm.

1388
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:31,910
I'm gonna get that grizzly.

1389
01:02:31,910 --> 01:02:33,860
What?

1390
01:02:33,860 --> 01:02:36,100
You heard me. [Mike] You can bet your jock on it.

1391
01:02:36,100 --> 01:02:38,190
[Bill] What did I just tell you? [Mike] I'm sorry.

1392
01:02:38,190 --> 01:02:42,960
Why? It's not just a job to me.

1393
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:44,550
I'm in the forest anyway.

1394
01:02:44,550 --> 01:02:45,960
It's like home to me.

1395
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:47,860
I like it there. And I can find him.

1396
01:02:47,860 --> 01:02:50,300
You're crazy you know that? You're crazy!

1397
01:02:50,300 --> 01:02:53,380
[Kevin] Giving up and drinking is the only rational course.

1398
01:02:53,380 --> 01:02:57,040
[Mike] It's the Nelson family motto right there.

1399
01:02:57,040 --> 01:02:58,840
(guys laugh)

1400
01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:01,310
Nurse your battered pride and your scotch.

1401
01:03:01,310 --> 01:03:04,260
And I'll get us our Ursas Horribulus.

1402
01:03:04,260 --> 01:03:08,260
[Mike] And then, you'll go after the bear, or?

1403
01:03:08,260 --> 01:03:11,980
(door closes) ♪♪♪

1404
01:03:11,980 --> 01:03:16,350
♪♪♪

1405
01:03:16,350 --> 01:03:18,750
[Kevin] Ah come on! don't eat the kid!

1406
01:03:18,750 --> 01:03:20,290
[Bill] Yeah!

1407
01:03:20,290 --> 01:03:22,460
[Kevin] He has so little meat on him. It's inefficient.

1408
01:03:22,460 --> 01:03:25,010
♪♪♪

1409
01:03:25,010 --> 01:03:27,080
Robert you stay close now, you hear?

1410
01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:29,560
[Bill] She's the Mrs. Kintner of the series.

1411
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:32,890
[Mike] I wish she borrowed her veil. [Bill] Now Mike.

1412
01:03:32,890 --> 01:03:36,010
♪♪♪

1413
01:03:36,010 --> 01:03:40,740
[Kevin] Okay come on. Smear yourself with bacon fat. That's what beary likes!

1414
01:03:40,740 --> 01:03:43,390
♪♪♪

1415
01:03:43,390 --> 01:03:46,510
♪♪♪

1416
01:03:46,510 --> 01:03:49,030
[Bill] Actually gonna show the joke about the bear and the rabbit.

1417
01:03:49,030 --> 01:03:51,190
[Kevin] Oh my god!

1418
01:03:51,190 --> 01:03:54,180
♪♪♪

1419
01:03:54,180 --> 01:03:57,750
[Mike] Mr. Wilson paid for a hit after Dennis dug up his tulip bed again.

1420
01:03:57,750 --> 01:04:00,220
♪♪♪

1421
01:04:00,220 --> 01:04:03,950
♪♪♪

1422
01:04:03,950 --> 01:04:07,280
[Kevin] He's gonna go play with best friend Thomas J from My Girl.

1423
01:04:07,280 --> 01:04:09,540
♪♪♪

1424
01:04:09,540 --> 01:04:11,570
♪♪♪

1425
01:04:11,570 --> 01:04:15,870
♪♪♪

1426
01:04:15,870 --> 01:04:17,540
[Bill] Thomas J wasn't home.

1427
01:04:17,540 --> 01:04:20,940
I wonder what Leslie from Bridge to Terabithia is up to?

1428
01:04:20,940 --> 01:04:24,260
(growling) ♪♪♪

1429
01:04:24,260 --> 01:04:27,300
(screaming)

1430
01:04:27,300 --> 01:04:29,070
[Mike] Keep cutting every five frames and maybe

1431
01:04:29,070 --> 01:04:32,090
they'll think this bear was within a mile of an actor.

1432
01:04:32,090 --> 01:04:34,500
(screaming)

1433
01:04:34,500 --> 01:04:37,570
♪♪♪

1434
01:04:37,570 --> 01:04:40,150
[Kevin] Hello 50% of saving on sneakers.

1435
01:04:40,150 --> 01:04:42,830
♪♪♪

1436
01:04:42,830 --> 01:04:46,040
(growling)

1437
01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:47,910
♪♪♪

1438
01:04:47,910 --> 01:04:52,960
[Bill] Well. Let that be a lesson to you kids. Stay inside and watch TV.

1439
01:04:52,960 --> 01:04:55,760
(sound of rain)

1440
01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:58,410
[Mike] Oh god. I hope that rabbit's okay.

1441
01:04:58,410 --> 01:05:03,360
(rain pouring)

1442
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:07,100
[Kevin] This is still a funnier bear movie than Ted 2.

1443
01:05:07,100 --> 01:05:12,250
(indistinct chatter)

1444
01:05:12,250 --> 01:05:14,460
[Bill] Brought my lip caterpillar.

1445
01:05:19,660 --> 01:05:23,170
[Mike] Sorry about saying "up yours". That was a really terrible comeback.

1446
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:30,820
Carnival over? Yes. Everybody goes?

1447
01:05:30,820 --> 01:05:33,620
[Kevin] Even the bearded lady and lobster boy?

1448
01:05:33,620 --> 01:05:36,870
That includes the press mister.

1449
01:05:36,870 --> 01:05:38,970
The park's closed.

1450
01:05:38,970 --> 01:05:41,290
People have a right to know.

1451
01:05:41,290 --> 01:05:43,870
[Bill] Did the bear poop out the kid's shoe?

1452
01:05:43,870 --> 01:05:45,430
The story's about greed.

1453
01:05:45,430 --> 01:05:47,900
I don't want it to go to Washington.

1454
01:05:47,900 --> 01:05:50,900
Feeling sorry for myself.

1455
01:05:50,900 --> 01:05:53,530
[Mike] (shouting) Hey do the rest of us need to be here for this?

1456
01:05:53,530 --> 01:05:55,700
Well your hands aren't clean neither pal.

1457
01:05:55,700 --> 01:05:59,740
You and your cameras have made it so exciting. So attractive!

1458
01:05:59,740 --> 01:06:01,860
We told it like it was.

1459
01:06:01,860 --> 01:06:03,680
[Kevin] Yep. Unoriginal to the point of plagiarism.

1460
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:05,570
Tell it how it was.

1461
01:06:05,570 --> 01:06:07,350
And that's little Bobby.

1462
01:06:07,350 --> 01:06:11,680
He's alive? Part of him is.

1463
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:14,420
Get him to the city hospital in time.

1464
01:06:14,420 --> 01:06:15,830
[Bill] Kid's alive?

1465
01:06:15,830 --> 01:06:18,900
Did the bear have a change of heart and start making tourniquets?

1466
01:06:18,900 --> 01:06:23,510
(rain pouring)

1467
01:06:23,510 --> 01:06:26,130
[Mike] Kid, you're gonna be riding your bike again in no time!

1468
01:06:26,130 --> 01:06:28,940
(whisper) Set the GPS for the morgue.

1469
01:06:34,640 --> 01:06:39,750
[Kevin] Well I'm sober now. Stupid kid owes me half a bottle of scotch!

1470
01:06:39,750 --> 01:06:45,500
(siren sounds)

1471
01:06:45,500 --> 01:06:49,790
[Bill] Still shaken up. By how totally radical that boy's race car bed was.

1472
01:06:49,790 --> 01:06:55,550
[Mike] Poor, poor bed. Nobody's sitting in it. Going "vroom, vroom".

1473
01:06:55,550 --> 01:06:59,030
Feels like 'Nam all over again.

1474
01:06:59,030 --> 01:07:01,650
Special excitement.

1475
01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:04,610
[Kevin] Knowing that any minute Fortunate Son could start playing.

1476
01:07:04,610 --> 01:07:06,100
Think so?

1477
01:07:06,100 --> 01:07:07,790
I haven't got a choice.

1478
01:07:07,790 --> 01:07:10,140
Listen I want to thank you.

1479
01:07:10,140 --> 01:07:13,690
For being over my head with it. You're getting it.

1480
01:07:13,690 --> 01:07:15,600
[Bill] Don's helicopter service.

1481
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:18,890
Sounds like a business in a Far Side cartoon. (Kevin laughs)

1482
01:07:18,890 --> 01:07:20,650
Alright.

1483
01:07:20,650 --> 01:07:22,440
If this ain't all ironic.

1484
01:07:22,440 --> 01:07:29,020
Now in 'Nam, I zapped about a hundred, maybe two hundred gooks.

1485
01:07:29,020 --> 01:07:32,820
[Mike] Alanis wisely cut that line.

1486
01:07:32,820 --> 01:07:35,750
Called them gooks, so we couldn't get personal.

1487
01:07:35,750 --> 01:07:39,620
But it did get personal anyway.

1488
01:07:39,620 --> 01:07:43,580
So I stopped counting and tried to stop caring.

1489
01:07:43,580 --> 01:07:45,590
[Kevin] Yeah you really seem haunted.

1490
01:07:45,590 --> 01:07:48,960
You know I don't kill nothing no more.

1491
01:07:48,960 --> 01:07:53,020
Not even flies. Made myself that promise.

1492
01:07:53,020 --> 01:07:55,080
[Bill] My life is hell. Killing was great.

1493
01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:56,880
Sorry ain't necessary.

1494
01:07:56,880 --> 01:07:58,550
This is my choice.

1495
01:07:58,550 --> 01:08:00,320
I could have said no.

1496
01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:02,210
Where's Scott?

1497
01:08:02,210 --> 01:08:04,310
[Mike] Flies got him. I hold you responsible.

1498
01:08:04,310 --> 01:08:06,240
Crazy.

1499
01:08:06,240 --> 01:08:08,020
You know that boy's weird.

1500
01:08:08,020 --> 01:08:10,300
♪♪♪

1501
01:08:10,300 --> 01:08:12,530
♪♪♪

1502
01:08:12,530 --> 01:08:17,010
[Kevin] Oh please be Buffalo Rider. Riding in to punch that bear.

1503
01:08:17,010 --> 01:08:21,090
♪♪♪

1504
01:08:21,090 --> 01:08:24,200
[Bill] Randall Mc Murphy. Master of dressage.

1505
01:08:24,200 --> 01:08:26,640
♪♪♪

1506
01:08:26,640 --> 01:08:31,780
(helicopter buzzing)

1507
01:08:31,780 --> 01:08:36,030
[Mike] Don's helicopter service. That's my favorite helicopter service. (Bill laughs)

1508
01:08:36,030 --> 01:08:41,820
What makes you think this old bear's really moving back upcountry?

1509
01:08:41,820 --> 01:08:43,770
Well we know about grizzlies.

1510
01:08:43,770 --> 01:08:45,730
They don't like to stray.

1511
01:08:45,730 --> 01:08:49,290
[Kevin] I mean, not maul people. They don't like to not maul people.

1512
01:08:49,290 --> 01:08:52,250
I think he's just lost.

1513
01:08:52,250 --> 01:08:55,000
Wants to go home where it's safe.

1514
01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:57,850
We don't have to go home.

1515
01:08:57,850 --> 01:09:00,200
[Bill] Why does he sound turned on?

1516
01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:02,940
(helicopter buzzing)

1517
01:09:02,940 --> 01:09:09,410
(growling)

1518
01:09:09,410 --> 01:09:13,520
[Mike] By the end of the movie, they're gonna have the bear doing spit takes.

1519
01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:18,160
[Bill] What? Huh?

1520
01:09:18,160 --> 01:09:21,700
[Kevin] Can't get enough of super golden crisp.

1521
01:09:21,700 --> 01:09:24,400
And crunchy little blonde haired boys.

1522
01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:26,620
♪♪♪ (growling)

1523
01:09:26,620 --> 01:09:29,720
♪♪♪

1524
01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:32,710
[Bill] Ahh! A thing? (Kevin laughs)

1525
01:09:32,710 --> 01:09:35,050
Here. I got one.

1526
01:09:35,050 --> 01:09:38,440
Now that army rifle you got ain't gonna get what we need.

1527
01:09:38,440 --> 01:09:42,300
This is thirty ought six with a K4 scope on it for fast shooting.

1528
01:09:42,300 --> 01:09:46,580
[Mike] It's got blast processing which adds thirty two X and lock on technology.

1529
01:09:46,580 --> 01:09:49,470
Hold this will you?

1530
01:09:49,470 --> 01:09:56,300
[Kevin] Yep. I keep a ten point buck in the back seat at all times.

1531
01:09:56,300 --> 01:10:00,940
I wish my mama taught me how to tie knots.

1532
01:10:00,940 --> 01:10:05,590
[Bill] Yeah that's really the only opportunity most people have to learn that.

1533
01:10:05,590 --> 01:10:09,530
Get some kind of down wind, the old bear might smell us, and come on after us.

1534
01:10:09,530 --> 01:10:12,310
[Mike] Hey. They spatchcocked him.

1535
01:10:12,310 --> 01:10:15,670
[Kevin] Hoo. That's my favorite kind of spatching.

1536
01:10:15,670 --> 01:10:19,830
You could help.

1537
01:10:19,830 --> 01:10:21,980
(growling)

1538
01:10:21,980 --> 01:10:26,640
[Bill] I should check in on Shardik? See how the bean garden is going.

1539
01:10:31,990 --> 01:10:37,150
[Mike] Whoa. Yeah. That got my back all realigned. Doc you're a miracle worker.

1540
01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:38,600
It's heavy.

1541
01:10:38,600 --> 01:10:40,520
Okay? Hold that down.

1542
01:10:40,520 --> 01:10:44,030
I am holding it right.

1543
01:10:44,030 --> 01:10:46,530
Don will you lift?

1544
01:10:46,530 --> 01:10:48,490
What do you think I'm doing?

1545
01:10:48,490 --> 01:10:50,340
[Kevin] Hanging a deer carcass from a tree isn't the

1546
01:10:50,340 --> 01:10:53,470
sort of thing you want to let on that you're too good at.

1547
01:10:53,470 --> 01:10:57,050
Come here sweetheart.

1548
01:10:57,050 --> 01:10:59,370
Okay.

1549
01:10:59,370 --> 01:11:00,880
[Bill] You've done something right in your life

1550
01:11:00,880 --> 01:11:04,100
if you've never called a corpse "sweetheart".

1551
01:11:04,100 --> 01:11:07,100
I'm going back to get the rest of the gear.

1552
01:11:07,100 --> 01:11:09,000
Alright.

1553
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:11,230
I'll be down in a blind.

1554
01:11:11,230 --> 01:11:13,950
[Mike] Jesus would say that whenever he was about to do some healing.

1555
01:11:13,950 --> 01:11:16,670
(Bill laughs)

1556
01:11:16,670 --> 01:11:19,270
(growling)

1557
01:11:19,270 --> 01:11:21,010
♪♪♪

1558
01:11:21,010 --> 01:11:23,510
[Kevin] Oh. Great blind you've constructed there.

1559
01:11:23,510 --> 01:11:25,850
♪♪♪

1560
01:11:25,850 --> 01:11:28,020
♪♪♪

1561
01:11:28,020 --> 01:11:30,270
[Bill] So pastry like.

1562
01:11:30,270 --> 01:11:34,180
[Mike] The non donut bear claws are slightly less likely to kill you.

1563
01:11:34,180 --> 01:11:37,080
♪♪♪

1564
01:11:37,080 --> 01:11:39,970
[Kevin] I hope bear baiting isn't as dirty as it sounds.

1565
01:11:39,970 --> 01:11:46,000
♪♪♪

1566
01:11:46,000 --> 01:11:50,540
[Bill] It's like the pinata at the world's creepiest Quinciniera.

1567
01:11:50,540 --> 01:11:54,300
(growling) ♪♪♪

1568
01:11:54,300 --> 01:11:57,170
[Mike] Next time bring the scotch.

1569
01:11:57,170 --> 01:11:59,480
♪♪♪

1570
01:11:59,480 --> 01:12:00,840
♪♪♪

1571
01:12:00,840 --> 01:12:03,010
Help!

1572
01:12:03,010 --> 01:12:04,420
(indistinct shouting)

1573
01:12:04,420 --> 01:12:07,120
[Kevin] Probably is a tribute to his favorite 90s comedy about nuns! (Bill laughs)

1574
01:12:07,120 --> 01:12:11,230
♪♪♪

1575
01:12:11,230 --> 01:12:13,040
♪♪♪

1576
01:12:13,040 --> 01:12:15,550
[Bill] That's my theme song! (humming)

1577
01:12:15,550 --> 01:12:19,770
♪♪♪

1578
01:12:19,770 --> 01:12:22,440
[Bill] The big fat bear!

1579
01:12:22,440 --> 01:12:25,660
♪♪♪

1580
01:12:25,660 --> 01:12:28,610
[Mike] Bear, what do you say? [Bill] Excuse me.

1581
01:12:28,610 --> 01:12:30,680
♪♪♪

1582
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:34,270
♪♪♪

1583
01:12:34,270 --> 01:12:36,300
[Kevin] Okay.

1584
01:12:36,300 --> 01:12:39,900
Total ripoff of the scene where Brody and Quint chase the shark on foot.

1585
01:12:39,900 --> 01:12:43,340
♪♪♪ (growling)

1586
01:12:43,340 --> 01:12:47,270
[Bill] Boy I hope they catch the bear. And it culminates in the show stopping

1587
01:12:47,270 --> 01:12:52,410
musical number "Put him in the bag, ma ma". (Kevin laughs)

1588
01:12:52,410 --> 01:12:55,130
♪♪♪

1589
01:12:55,130 --> 01:13:00,010
♪♪♪

1590
01:13:00,010 --> 01:13:04,290
[Mike] Stop to let a salmon jump into my mouth? No, there's no time.

1591
01:13:04,290 --> 01:13:08,600
[Kevin] Gah. Dammit.

1592
01:13:08,600 --> 01:13:11,870
I knew we shouldn't have taken directions from that bear

1593
01:13:11,870 --> 01:13:14,710
in the trench coat with the fake looking mustache.

1594
01:13:14,710 --> 01:13:16,310
We were right behind him.

1595
01:13:16,310 --> 01:13:17,630
I don't know about that.

1596
01:13:17,630 --> 01:13:20,460
He's just gone. Christ.

1597
01:13:20,460 --> 01:13:22,730
Must have run a mile.

1598
01:13:22,730 --> 01:13:25,060
[Bill] You run fifty second miles right Don?

1599
01:13:25,060 --> 01:13:27,960
Only thing we can do is going back to the copter.

1600
01:13:27,960 --> 01:13:31,810
(heavy breathing) ♪♪♪

1601
01:13:31,810 --> 01:13:34,160
♪♪♪

1602
01:13:34,160 --> 01:13:35,760
[Mike] I'm worried that the movie's gonna end

1603
01:13:35,760 --> 01:13:38,850
without the bear quipping "It's time to die-burnate!"

1604
01:13:38,850 --> 01:13:43,290
♪♪♪

1605
01:13:43,290 --> 01:13:46,300
[Kevin] If this is McCloud, he's way off brand.

1606
01:13:46,300 --> 01:13:48,850
♪♪♪

1607
01:13:48,850 --> 01:13:51,990
♪♪♪

1608
01:13:51,990 --> 01:13:55,630
(horse neighs)

1609
01:13:55,630 --> 01:13:58,300
[Bill] And....cut! Scene! Brilliant!

1610
01:13:58,300 --> 01:14:00,420
[Kevin] Lovely.

1611
01:14:00,420 --> 01:14:04,600
♪♪♪

1612
01:14:04,600 --> 01:14:06,110
[Mike] Oh dammit. The bear stole the helicopter!

1613
01:14:06,110 --> 01:14:09,310
Aww, son of a bitch!

1614
01:14:09,310 --> 01:14:13,880
Figured us out. Figured us out and circled back.

1615
01:14:13,880 --> 01:14:17,060
[Kevin] Then he leveraged a deep dive drill on some action items.

1616
01:14:17,060 --> 01:14:19,640
Couple of his toys.

1617
01:14:19,640 --> 01:14:21,630
We are.

1618
01:14:21,630 --> 01:14:24,350
You know he could circle back around here again.

1619
01:14:24,350 --> 01:14:27,130
[Bill] At the end of the day, we'll ping him and take it off line.

1620
01:14:27,130 --> 01:14:30,590
Maybe open the kimono. (Kevin laughs)

1621
01:14:30,590 --> 01:14:33,820
[Mike] Now the bear circles back one more time

1622
01:14:33,820 --> 01:14:36,680
and says "Hey did you get that email I just sent?"

1623
01:14:36,680 --> 01:14:42,650
♪♪♪

1624
01:14:42,650 --> 01:14:46,470
[Kevin] We now return to The Life Equestrian with Steve Zissou.

1625
01:14:46,470 --> 01:14:48,060
♪♪♪

1626
01:14:48,060 --> 01:14:50,150
Whoa. (horse neighs)

1627
01:14:50,150 --> 01:14:52,560
♪♪♪

1628
01:14:52,560 --> 01:14:56,500
♪♪♪

1629
01:14:56,500 --> 01:15:01,340
[Mike] Well. Good thing this patch of uninhabited wilderness is so well lit.

1630
01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:07,950
♪♪♪

1631
01:15:07,950 --> 01:15:13,170
[Kevin] Oh. Oh no. Or maybe good? Perhaps gross?

1632
01:15:13,170 --> 01:15:17,090
♪♪♪

1633
01:15:17,090 --> 01:15:20,070
[Bill] Well, whatever that thing was, it's evidently

1634
01:15:20,070 --> 01:15:23,450
the perfect thing to bed down next to. (Kevin laughs)

1635
01:15:28,090 --> 01:15:31,710
[Mike] Climb on in horsey. I can't sleep if I ain't spooning something.

1636
01:15:31,710 --> 01:15:36,800
♪♪♪

1637
01:15:36,800 --> 01:15:39,690
[Kevin] Yep, this is how I got to bed every time I stay at a Motel 6.

1638
01:15:39,690 --> 01:15:43,820
[Bill] Wise. [Kevin] Got the carbine in my hand.

1639
01:15:43,820 --> 01:15:46,170
(squeaking noise)

1640
01:15:46,170 --> 01:15:49,460
[Bill] The hardened outdoors man. Terrified by a horny chipmunk.

1641
01:15:49,460 --> 01:15:54,620
♪♪♪

1642
01:15:54,620 --> 01:15:58,660
[Mike] Since he is a jackal doesn't he need to sleep curled up? Nose to anus?

1643
01:15:58,660 --> 01:16:00,810
[Bill] Oh Mike. That's werewolves.

1644
01:16:00,810 --> 01:16:08,460
[Kevin] Better lock up. I didn't like the look of those voles.

1645
01:16:08,460 --> 01:16:13,950
Are you sure you want to take first watch?

1646
01:16:13,950 --> 01:16:16,610
[Bill] Well if you hear me saying "Put the diaper on me

1647
01:16:16,610 --> 01:16:20,350
mommy" in my sleep, that's just pilot talk.

1648
01:16:20,350 --> 01:16:23,490
If you feel wet snot in your face. Whatever you do, don't move.

1649
01:16:23,490 --> 01:16:26,110
And don't kiss it back, because it ain't me.

1650
01:16:26,110 --> 01:16:28,860
[Mike] Also it ain't a snout. And it is me.

1651
01:16:28,860 --> 01:16:34,540
[Bill] (laughs) Wet snot.

1652
01:16:34,540 --> 01:16:39,140
[Kevin] Hell. Why can't we just take off in the helicopter and sleep there?

1653
01:16:39,140 --> 01:16:42,500
[Bill] (sighs) I've explained this three times already.

1654
01:16:49,130 --> 01:16:53,210
[Mike] Guess we're not gonna make s'mores then.

1655
01:16:53,210 --> 01:16:57,730
♪♪♪

1656
01:16:57,730 --> 01:17:01,540
[Kevin] Uh. Yep. You know Spielberg sued them for this shot.

1657
01:17:01,540 --> 01:17:03,140
[Bill] Hmm?

1658
01:17:03,140 --> 01:17:06,080
[Kevin] Gloken Spiel Bergstrom. Spielberg to his friends.

1659
01:17:06,080 --> 01:17:08,960
He's a caterer the director stiffed.

1660
01:17:08,960 --> 01:17:13,070
[Bill] Huh. Alright. [Kevin] Yeah, you see? Spiel?

1661
01:17:13,070 --> 01:17:16,650
[Bill] Yeah, yeah. ♪♪♪

1662
01:17:16,650 --> 01:17:21,370
[Mike] And the camera man zoomed in on a patch of brush until the sun came up.

1663
01:17:21,370 --> 01:17:23,940
Ah I was kidding. (guys laugh)

1664
01:17:23,940 --> 01:17:27,620
♪♪♪

1665
01:17:27,620 --> 01:17:29,460
[Bill] Well. Nothing happened to them.

1666
01:17:29,460 --> 01:17:32,300
But at least we saw the nothing that proceeded it.

1667
01:17:32,300 --> 01:17:36,990
♪♪♪

1668
01:17:36,990 --> 01:17:40,730
[Mike] Something happening back there? No? Okay let's give it another day.

1669
01:17:40,730 --> 01:17:43,450
♪♪♪

1670
01:17:43,450 --> 01:17:46,700
♪♪♪

1671
01:17:46,700 --> 01:17:49,060
[Kevin] This horse, by the way, has no name.

1672
01:17:49,060 --> 01:17:51,470
It's named after the horse in America's "A Horse with No Name".

1673
01:17:51,470 --> 01:17:53,110
[Bill] How can it be named after?

1674
01:17:53,110 --> 01:17:54,910
[Kevin] The guy who named it that? You guessed it.

1675
01:17:54,910 --> 01:17:59,310
Glocken Spiel Bergstrom. [Bill] (sighs) Please stop.

1676
01:17:59,310 --> 01:18:01,300
[Kevin] Spiel Berg. To his friends.

1677
01:18:01,300 --> 01:18:05,280
[Mike] Oh. Spruce bark beetle. I'd know their foul handiwork anywhere.

1678
01:18:05,280 --> 01:18:10,540
♪♪♪

1679
01:18:10,540 --> 01:18:15,060
[Kevin] When the giving tree started to bleed,

1680
01:18:15,060 --> 01:18:18,310
that's when the boy truly became happy.

1681
01:18:18,310 --> 01:18:21,690
♪♪♪

1682
01:18:21,690 --> 01:18:25,820
[Bill] What is this? Free tree goo? Don't mind if I have myself a lick?

1683
01:18:25,820 --> 01:18:30,550
♪♪♪

1684
01:18:30,550 --> 01:18:35,030
[Mike] Alright you two. Time to pick up the pace.

1685
01:18:35,030 --> 01:18:38,350
Either Christopher Reeve it or Catherine the Great it. I don't care which.

1686
01:18:38,350 --> 01:18:42,010
[Bill] Oh wow! [Mike] I mean come on!

1687
01:18:42,010 --> 01:18:46,880
[Bill] Woo boy! Ha ha.

1688
01:18:46,880 --> 01:18:49,270
[Kevin] The next day the local McDonalds

1689
01:18:49,270 --> 01:18:52,250
suspiciously announces the return of the McRib.

1690
01:18:52,250 --> 01:18:57,110
(horse neighs)

1691
01:18:57,110 --> 01:18:59,090
[Bill] Yeah. The rest of the movie is him just riding around,

1692
01:18:59,090 --> 01:19:02,560
staring in horror at unidentifiable lumps.

1693
01:19:02,560 --> 01:19:03,870
[Kevin] I'd watch that.

1694
01:19:03,870 --> 01:19:06,290
[Bill] You are watching it. (Mike laughs)

1695
01:19:06,290 --> 01:19:08,750
This is Kelly, Scotty. Where the hell are you?

1696
01:19:08,750 --> 01:19:10,470
Don't mind that. Just listen to me.

1697
01:19:10,470 --> 01:19:12,360
I found a partially eaten buck.

1698
01:19:12,360 --> 01:19:14,680
That must have been the one we gutted.

1699
01:19:14,680 --> 01:19:16,950
What are you talking about?

1700
01:19:16,950 --> 01:19:19,730
Never mind. Where are you? [Mike] People are dying.

1701
01:19:19,730 --> 01:19:22,830
Someone share information instead of saying "never mind".

1702
01:19:22,830 --> 01:19:24,540
Where the hell are you Scotty?

1703
01:19:24,540 --> 01:19:26,670
What do want? Compass coordinates?

1704
01:19:26,670 --> 01:19:29,860
No. Street zip will do.

1705
01:19:29,860 --> 01:19:33,810
[Kevin] (laughs) Good one. Hey how do you think that mutilated boy is doing?

1706
01:19:33,810 --> 01:19:36,090
This is 8-21. Okay stay there.

1707
01:19:36,090 --> 01:19:38,350
Listen on second thought, get the hell out of there.

1708
01:19:38,350 --> 01:19:40,460
He might be coming back for the rest of his meal.

1709
01:19:40,460 --> 01:19:43,360
[Bill] How on earth is this bear still hungry?

1710
01:19:43,360 --> 01:19:44,680
I'm gonna put it around his neck and haul

1711
01:19:44,680 --> 01:19:46,380
him through the woods to where you fellas are.

1712
01:19:46,380 --> 01:19:48,550
With any luck our friend's gonna follow. Negative!

1713
01:19:48,550 --> 01:19:50,290
I'm leaving right now. I'll meet you halfway.

1714
01:19:50,290 --> 01:19:54,210
[Mike] As a tribute to my favorite song on the Over The Top soundtrack.

1715
01:19:54,210 --> 01:19:56,310
Scotty?

1716
01:19:56,310 --> 01:20:00,610
♪♪♪

1717
01:20:00,610 --> 01:20:02,200
[Kevin] Now this must be some of that special kind

1718
01:20:02,200 --> 01:20:04,380
of excitement the helicopter pilot was talking about.

1719
01:20:04,380 --> 01:20:07,270
♪♪♪ (horse neighs)

1720
01:20:07,270 --> 01:20:13,730
[Bill] Lumps? Goo? You guys there?

1721
01:20:13,730 --> 01:20:16,380
♪♪♪

1722
01:20:16,380 --> 01:20:18,320
♪♪♪ (cocks gun)

1723
01:20:18,320 --> 01:20:23,560
[Mike] Soft clicking sound. Somewhere the bear is soiling himself in terror.

1724
01:20:23,560 --> 01:20:26,840
♪♪♪

1725
01:20:26,840 --> 01:20:32,340
♪♪♪ (growling)

1726
01:20:32,340 --> 01:20:38,340
[Kevin] Whoa! The bear knows godfather fu!

1727
01:20:38,340 --> 01:20:40,450
[Bill] Whoa!

1728
01:20:40,450 --> 01:20:42,440
♪♪♪

1729
01:20:42,440 --> 01:20:46,290
[Bill] Ugh! I hate it when 2000 pound bears materialize out of thin air.

1730
01:20:46,290 --> 01:20:49,590
♪♪♪ (growling)

1731
01:20:49,590 --> 01:20:54,570
[Mike] Oh! Good thing a human's neck is much stronger than horse's.

1732
01:20:54,570 --> 01:20:57,910
♪♪♪ (helicopter buzzing)

1733
01:20:57,910 --> 01:21:00,920
♪♪♪

1734
01:21:00,920 --> 01:21:03,720
[Kevin] Hey Don? Why don't we just tell everyone we killed it?

1735
01:21:03,720 --> 01:21:06,590
♪♪♪

1736
01:21:06,590 --> 01:21:10,040
♪♪♪

1737
01:21:10,040 --> 01:21:14,870
[Bill] Only you can prevent me from. Killing. Let me start over.

1738
01:21:14,870 --> 01:21:19,880
(growling)

1739
01:21:19,880 --> 01:21:22,520
[Kevin] That's for not letting me be in the band Grizzly Bear.

1740
01:21:22,520 --> 01:21:24,610
I can kind of play guitar.

1741
01:21:24,610 --> 01:21:28,040
♪♪♪

1742
01:21:28,040 --> 01:21:30,510
[Mike] Maybe we should slow down and fly lower?

1743
01:21:30,510 --> 01:21:32,930
[Kevin] Nope. Pretty sure this is good.

1744
01:21:32,930 --> 01:21:35,240
♪♪♪

1745
01:21:35,240 --> 01:21:39,340
♪♪♪

1746
01:21:39,340 --> 01:21:43,350
♪♪♪

1747
01:21:43,350 --> 01:21:46,820
♪♪♪

1748
01:21:46,820 --> 01:21:49,840
[Bill] Hmm. Look at that. It's a bear-rial, said Kevin.

1749
01:21:49,840 --> 01:21:53,590
[Kevin] What?! I didn't. [Mike] Dammit Kevin! Come on. We talked about this earlier.

1750
01:21:53,590 --> 01:21:55,220
[Bill] Step up your game!

1751
01:21:55,220 --> 01:21:57,290
[Kevin] One of these days.

1752
01:21:57,290 --> 01:22:01,290
♪♪♪

1753
01:22:01,290 --> 01:22:04,040
[Mike] Please let that be his hand.

1754
01:22:04,040 --> 01:22:07,320
♪♪♪

1755
01:22:07,320 --> 01:22:14,110
♪♪♪

1756
01:22:14,110 --> 01:22:18,770
[Kevin] Kristen Stewart based her blinking Twilight acting on this scene.

1757
01:22:18,770 --> 01:22:21,360
[Bill] (softly) Line?

1758
01:22:21,360 --> 01:22:25,810
♪♪♪

1759
01:22:25,810 --> 01:22:27,620
♪♪♪

1760
01:22:27,620 --> 01:22:29,210
♪♪♪

1761
01:22:29,210 --> 01:22:32,990
[Bill] (laughs) The bear also put his hand in a bowl of warm water.

1762
01:22:32,990 --> 01:22:36,040
(laughs) Such a prankster! (Kevin laughs)

1763
01:22:36,040 --> 01:22:39,820
♪♪♪

1764
01:22:39,820 --> 01:22:42,700
(moans)

1765
01:22:42,700 --> 01:22:49,220
[Mike] William Girdler presents spa day. (Kevin laughs)

1766
01:22:49,220 --> 01:22:52,830
[Mike] Still no ass man Girdler. (Kevin laughs)

1767
01:22:52,830 --> 01:22:56,560
♪♪♪

1768
01:22:56,560 --> 01:22:59,640
♪♪♪

1769
01:22:59,640 --> 01:23:01,410
[Kevin] Ugh. Can't believe it. Buried by the stupidest,

1770
01:23:01,410 --> 01:23:04,270
fattest idiot of a bear that ever?

1771
01:23:04,270 --> 01:23:10,000
Oh he's right behind me isn't he? Oh!

1772
01:23:10,000 --> 01:23:12,550
(growling)

1773
01:23:12,550 --> 01:23:14,890
(growling)

1774
01:23:14,890 --> 01:23:17,870
[Bill] Hey bro.

1775
01:23:17,870 --> 01:23:22,670
♪♪♪

1776
01:23:22,670 --> 01:23:24,650
[Bill] Mondays!

1777
01:23:24,650 --> 01:23:28,090
♪♪♪

1778
01:23:28,090 --> 01:23:32,000
♪♪♪

1779
01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:40,230
[Mike] Wow. Well now I feel bad for making a stop for smoothies.

1780
01:23:40,230 --> 01:23:45,560
♪♪♪

1781
01:23:45,560 --> 01:23:50,420
How are we gonna get him back? [Kevin] I'll get the shop-vac.

1782
01:23:50,420 --> 01:23:53,660
♪♪♪

1783
01:23:53,660 --> 01:23:57,380
♪♪♪

1784
01:23:57,380 --> 01:23:59,420
Well. We'll bury him here.

1785
01:23:59,420 --> 01:24:02,980
[Bill] In a shallow hole. Then come back to gnaw on him later.

1786
01:24:02,980 --> 01:24:05,840
♪♪♪

1787
01:24:05,840 --> 01:24:10,780
Radio in the coordinates and someone will come and get him.

1788
01:24:10,780 --> 01:24:15,700
[Mike] I'd take him in the chopper with us, but I just had it reupholstered.

1789
01:24:15,700 --> 01:24:18,670
♪♪♪

1790
01:24:18,670 --> 01:24:21,710
♪♪♪

1791
01:24:21,710 --> 01:24:24,780
[Kevin] Hey a little time saving tip.

1792
01:24:24,780 --> 01:24:28,750
Put the remains of your mutilated friend back in the grave the bear dug.

1793
01:24:28,750 --> 01:24:30,500
[Bill] Oh. [Kevin] It's easy.

1794
01:24:30,500 --> 01:24:35,940
[Bill] Thanks. ♪♪♪

1795
01:24:35,940 --> 01:24:40,890
[Mike] Okay but bright side. Scott is now an amazing geocaching destination.

1796
01:24:40,890 --> 01:24:44,700
♪♪♪

1797
01:24:44,700 --> 01:24:49,370
[Kevin] Oh man. Dramamine's just kicking my ass here.

1798
01:24:49,370 --> 01:24:55,250
Funny how a fella kind of goes up and down like some kind of yoyo.

1799
01:24:55,250 --> 01:24:57,790
I'm getting ready to kill again.

1800
01:24:57,790 --> 01:24:59,370
I can't hardly wait.

1801
01:24:59,370 --> 01:25:02,180
[Bill] Tim version of course. To hell with those garbage horns.

1802
01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:04,770
Didn't like that old boy.

1803
01:25:04,770 --> 01:25:07,670
You know when I was kidding around with him, I never meant him no insult.

1804
01:25:07,670 --> 01:25:09,870
I know.

1805
01:25:09,870 --> 01:25:13,700
You know Don?

1806
01:25:13,700 --> 01:25:18,170
You two are a lot alike.

1807
01:25:18,170 --> 01:25:20,000
[Mike] A lot alike in that neither the

1808
01:25:20,000 --> 01:25:22,800
screenwriter or the audience can tell you apart.

1809
01:25:22,800 --> 01:25:26,700
(helicopter buzzing)

1810
01:25:26,700 --> 01:25:31,930
[Kevin] I don't know.

1811
01:25:31,930 --> 01:25:35,990
I just feel like if we were lower, we could actually SEE the bear!

1812
01:25:35,990 --> 01:25:38,160
[Bill] No! All good!

1813
01:25:38,160 --> 01:25:40,030
Let's have another look at that grid map.

1814
01:25:40,030 --> 01:25:44,330
(helicopter buzzing)

1815
01:25:44,330 --> 01:25:47,450
There. Right there. That's where he's going.

1816
01:25:47,450 --> 01:25:49,230
He's back to his first kill.

1817
01:25:49,230 --> 01:25:51,380
I mean it's incredible!

1818
01:25:51,380 --> 01:25:55,140
[Mike] Did I say incredible? Because I meant ludicrous and implausible.

1819
01:25:55,140 --> 01:25:58,180
How? Why? Hell I don't know.

1820
01:25:58,180 --> 01:26:01,320
When a SAL-man fishes back upstream where it all began.

1821
01:26:01,320 --> 01:26:07,260
[Kevin] Well. Are you gonna tell us about the SAL-man or not?

1822
01:26:07,260 --> 01:26:10,080
[Bill] SAL-man.

1823
01:26:10,080 --> 01:26:12,240
♪♪♪

1824
01:26:12,240 --> 01:26:17,440
(growling) ♪♪♪

1825
01:26:17,440 --> 01:26:21,780
[Bill] Please! Please help me! A bunch of crazy park rangers are trying to kill me!

1826
01:26:21,780 --> 01:26:24,490
♪♪♪

1827
01:26:24,490 --> 01:26:27,340
♪♪♪

1828
01:26:27,340 --> 01:26:29,450
Hey you're getting in kind of close. [Mike] Is he?

1829
01:26:29,450 --> 01:26:31,340
Have faith brother.

1830
01:26:31,340 --> 01:26:35,140
(helicopter buzzing)

1831
01:26:35,140 --> 01:26:38,790
Man he's really moving.

1832
01:26:38,790 --> 01:26:41,280
Let's give that son of a bitch a run for his money.

1833
01:26:41,280 --> 01:26:45,840
[Kevin] After which run he'll have less of said money for groceries and child support.

1834
01:26:45,840 --> 01:26:49,850
♪♪♪

1835
01:26:49,850 --> 01:26:52,700
[Bill] Whoa.

1836
01:26:52,700 --> 01:26:56,770
He cleverly defeated their plan to be hundreds and hundreds of feet above him.

1837
01:26:56,770 --> 01:26:59,840
♪♪♪

1838
01:26:59,840 --> 01:27:01,910
I think we lost him.

1839
01:27:01,910 --> 01:27:04,090
(helicopter buzzing)

1840
01:27:04,090 --> 01:27:06,270
♪♪♪

1841
01:27:06,270 --> 01:27:09,420
[Mike] No it's not me the bear. It's just a harmless chainsaw sculpture.

1842
01:27:09,420 --> 01:27:11,500
You can stop looking now!

1843
01:27:11,500 --> 01:27:14,020
♪♪♪

1844
01:27:14,020 --> 01:27:15,810
I see him! I see him!

1845
01:27:15,810 --> 01:27:18,860
♪♪♪

1846
01:27:18,860 --> 01:27:20,850
He's on a mother-lovin' run.

1847
01:27:20,850 --> 01:27:23,910
[Bill] It's mutha-lutha run? Sure. Sure.

1848
01:27:23,910 --> 01:27:28,360
♪♪♪

1849
01:27:28,360 --> 01:27:33,180
[Mike] Guess now they're plan is to fly above him until

1850
01:27:33,180 --> 01:27:37,060
the bear gets old and settles into a comfortable retirement.

1851
01:27:37,060 --> 01:27:38,760
Let's take one rocket.

1852
01:27:38,760 --> 01:27:41,300
We'll get that damn launch and blast him!

1853
01:27:41,300 --> 01:27:44,960
[Kevin] Then we'll blast him again with a fair but critical Yelp review.

1854
01:27:44,960 --> 01:27:46,660
♪♪♪ You sure?

1855
01:27:46,660 --> 01:27:48,710
Yeah let's go in after him.

1856
01:27:48,710 --> 01:27:50,740
He's tired and he's scared. He isn't coming back out.

1857
01:27:50,740 --> 01:27:53,760
♪♪♪

1858
01:27:53,760 --> 01:27:55,700
Alright. [Bill] Or we could shoot him from the air?

1859
01:27:55,700 --> 01:27:57,590
[Mike] Nope. On the ground!

1860
01:27:57,590 --> 01:28:02,010
(helicopter buzzing)

1861
01:28:02,010 --> 01:28:08,850
♪♪♪

1862
01:28:08,850 --> 01:28:10,540
[Kevin] Sure, we've got a rocket launcher.

1863
01:28:10,540 --> 01:28:14,070
But let's just save that in case we want to shoot at cans or something.

1864
01:28:14,070 --> 01:28:18,890
(growling) (Kevin laughs) [Bill] Gah!

1865
01:28:18,890 --> 01:28:22,630
Really should have bought the bear attack seat belt option on this thing!

1866
01:28:22,630 --> 01:28:25,560
♪♪♪ (growling)

1867
01:28:25,560 --> 01:28:27,990
(growling)

1868
01:28:27,990 --> 01:28:30,470
Shit!

1869
01:28:30,470 --> 01:28:36,630
[Mike] Oh, if only there were some large motorized blades near the bear's neck.

1870
01:28:36,630 --> 01:28:41,690
(cocks gun) ♪♪♪ (growling)

1871
01:28:41,690 --> 01:28:45,370
(growling) ♪♪♪

1872
01:28:45,370 --> 01:28:48,480
[Kevin] Note to self. Next time bring more than two bullets.

1873
01:28:48,480 --> 01:28:51,140
♪♪♪

1874
01:28:51,140 --> 01:28:53,680
♪♪♪

1875
01:28:53,680 --> 01:28:56,430
♪♪♪

1876
01:28:56,430 --> 01:29:00,120
[Bill] Never fear! I'm here to save you with my? Two bullets.

1877
01:29:00,120 --> 01:29:04,350
(growling) (shots fire)

1878
01:29:04,350 --> 01:29:06,060
(shots fire)

1879
01:29:06,060 --> 01:29:08,690
(shots fire)

1880
01:29:08,690 --> 01:29:11,470
[Mike] Um. why didn't you run? I mean I'm glad you

1881
01:29:11,470 --> 01:29:14,960
made it easy on me. I just feel kind of bad. (Kevin laughs)

1882
01:29:14,960 --> 01:29:17,840
♪♪♪

1883
01:29:17,840 --> 01:29:19,630
[Kevin] Gah!

1884
01:29:19,630 --> 01:29:23,290
The Taco Bell hot sauce packets I was storing in my mouth for some reason!

1885
01:29:23,290 --> 01:29:25,630
♪♪♪

1886
01:29:25,630 --> 01:29:28,740
♪♪♪

1887
01:29:28,740 --> 01:29:33,250
♪♪♪

1888
01:29:33,250 --> 01:29:40,190
[Bill] Okay. Prepare to receive a free t-shirt you murderous bastard!

1889
01:29:40,190 --> 01:29:43,930
♪♪♪

1890
01:29:43,930 --> 01:29:46,880
♪♪♪

1891
01:29:46,880 --> 01:29:50,860
(growling)

1892
01:29:50,860 --> 01:29:54,820
[Mike] Uh. Grin you offspring of a female dog!

1893
01:29:54,820 --> 01:29:58,920
[Bill] Don't think that'll do it. (Kevin laughs)

1894
01:29:58,920 --> 01:30:02,750
(shots fire) (Bill laughs)

1895
01:30:02,750 --> 01:30:06,210
[Kevin] The end of a bear career Jay Cutler can only dream about.

1896
01:30:06,210 --> 01:30:09,420
[Bill] Exploding bear.

1897
01:30:09,420 --> 01:30:14,550
[Kevin] Wow.

1898
01:30:14,550 --> 01:30:21,820
[Bill] Ugh. I can't remember whether my character can fly the chopper.

1899
01:30:21,820 --> 01:30:26,210
[Mike] I'm just a big bag of grits sometimes. (Bill laughs)

1900
01:30:26,210 --> 01:30:30,700
♪♪♪

1901
01:30:30,700 --> 01:30:33,990
[Mike] Well. All the dead people aside, that was damn fun!

1902
01:30:33,990 --> 01:30:36,960
There's gotta be another one of those things around here I can do that to!

1903
01:30:36,960 --> 01:30:39,210
(Bill laughs)

1904
01:30:39,210 --> 01:30:42,040
♪♪♪

1905
01:30:42,040 --> 01:30:45,240
♪♪♪

1906
01:30:45,240 --> 01:30:49,120
[Kevin] A bear blown up with a rocket launcher? Anyone else thinking Arby's?

1907
01:30:49,120 --> 01:30:51,520
[Bill] Oh yeah.

1908
01:30:51,520 --> 01:30:57,930
♪♪♪

1909
01:30:57,930 --> 01:30:59,750
[Bill] (softly) Please.

1910
01:30:59,750 --> 01:31:04,560
Don't tell my family I tried to swat the bear with my rifle like an idiot.

1911
01:31:04,560 --> 01:31:07,560
♪♪♪ (Mike hums)

1912
01:31:07,560 --> 01:31:11,500
♪♪♪

1913
01:31:11,500 --> 01:31:14,050
[Mike] What? That's it?

1914
01:31:14,050 --> 01:31:16,570
What happened to the guy who mispriced his wines?

1915
01:31:16,570 --> 01:31:18,130
[Bill] Yeah!

1916
01:31:18,130 --> 01:31:19,920
[Mike] I mean I like to think he lost his restaurant and hung himself in despair.

1917
01:31:19,920 --> 01:31:21,360
But I'll never know!

1918
01:31:21,360 --> 01:31:22,860
[Kevin] Yeah. And what about the female characters

1919
01:31:22,860 --> 01:31:24,670
that I never really figured out who they were?

1920
01:31:24,670 --> 01:31:28,350
[Bill] Ugh! Guys? You ever hear of setting up a sequel?

1921
01:31:28,350 --> 01:31:30,260
Besides what do you have to complain about?

1922
01:31:30,260 --> 01:31:34,020
The movie had a bear get blown up with a rocket launcher.

1923
01:31:34,020 --> 01:31:35,430
[Mike] Boring!

1924
01:31:35,430 --> 01:31:38,230
[Kevin] Yeah. I saw that three times on my way to work this morning.

1925
01:31:38,230 --> 01:31:39,680
Four if you count the koala.

1926
01:31:39,680 --> 01:31:41,180
[Bill] Yeah. Koala's not a bear.

1927
01:31:41,180 --> 01:31:42,690
[Kevin] I know. I just mean that.

1928
01:31:42,690 --> 01:31:44,610
[Bill] (shouting) Koala's not a damn bear!

1929
01:31:44,610 --> 01:31:46,140
[Mike] Okay. Easy fella.

1930
01:31:46,140 --> 01:31:47,560
[Kevin] Bill.

1931
01:31:47,560 --> 01:31:49,350
[Mike] Folks if you've found this anywhere other than RiffTrax,

1932
01:31:49,350 --> 01:31:54,450
we ask that you just stop by the RiffTrax site and drop some honey in our pot.

1933
01:31:54,450 --> 01:31:56,710
[Kevin] Or we'll shoot you with a rocket launcher!

1934
01:31:56,710 --> 01:31:59,200
[Mike] Yes. We'll shoot you with a. Wait. We will not.

1935
01:31:59,200 --> 01:32:02,390
[Bill] (shouting) Koala's not a damn bear! Ass man!

1936
01:32:02,390 --> 01:32:05,630
♪♪♪

1937
01:32:05,630 --> 01:32:10,600
♪♪♪

1938
01:32:10,600 --> 01:32:15,280
It's time for RiffTrax!

1939
01:32:15,280 --> 01:32:19,050
Copyright by RiffTrax. All rights reserved.